Not until now did I realize that I am afraid. I have become self-absorbed; self contained, self-entertained, and self kept. Imagine, I have had few friends and far too many lovers. I float upon a ship in a vast ocean, surrounded by a never-ending archipelago of women, fearful of losing my life.

My relationships have usually been dysfunctional; my affairs with women although characterized by high tides of passion and understanding have been staged upon the billowy waves of a turbulent sea. I have set my sails too high for almost any woman to reach.

Many have tried to navigate me into clear and pleasant estuaries, so that I may disembark from my voyage. Often, I have run my bow aground or into seaside cliffs. I have been incapable of drifting along in such a pleasant tide and setting down. I fret to walk under a full moon, fearing I will die like so many other men, who have disembarked to walk upon the dry earth.

But you are different. You have the capacity to fluctuate with the tide and navigate upon vast oceans while creating a cool breeze upon which two lovers can sail. This is alarming, because I fear that I will no longer navigate beyond the scope of sight. I fear that my sails will come down and the creative streams I have inherited from the waters of life will no longer live.

My world is not flat and I fear that you may not understand. My abstract nature can cause the tide of the waters to rise and fall, in crashing waves of love and discontent, and I fear the potential pain associated with knowing, that for the first time, I am in love.

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