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juliet01
Mercedes Doran
United States, KS, South hutchinson

Words: 537
Access: Public
Comments: 5

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The Lost World part 1

'Come on, hurry up before we get caught!' It was midnight and Aphrodite and a few of her friends were climbing over a big pile of rocks by the lake, which was a few miles away from her house. Aphrodite was known to get into trouble and do what she was told not to do, earning the nickname of 'Rogue' she liked it, and held the title with great pride. 'On the count of three, were going to jump into the lake!' she said. 'But it's so cold!!' said her friend Kayla whom lived near Aphrodite in the country. 'It's not cold! Last one is a rotten egg!' Jessie her other friend said and jumped in. Jessie also happened to live by Aphrodite and Kayla, 'I'm goin' in with him' said Aphrodite, she plunged into the lake.

They both appeared on the surface laughing, 'come on in, the waters fine!' they both laughed again. 'I'm really gonna regret this,' Kayla said but ran reluctantly into the lake. she resurfaced 'You told me the water was warm!!!!' Kayla said in outrage. Aphrodite smiled 'we said the water was fine, we never said it wasn't cold.' she laughed. Kayla splashed Aphrodite. Aphrodite stopped and stared off into the distance. 'What's that?' she said pointing in the direction she was looking. Jessie and Kayla looked ther way that Aphrodite was looking, 'it's some kind of light' Jessie said and stared at it. 'Come on lets go check it out' Jessie and Aphrodite said at the same time. They swam over to what seemed to be the light 'well what ever it is, it's under water. I'll go under and go check it out.' apthrodite said. Aphrodite went below the surface and looked around she found the light and swam down to it and poked it.

There was a huge explosion and something went zipping upward through the water. She resurfaced, Jessie was holding something in his hand and Kayla was looking at it with a questioned look on her face. 'What's that?" Aphrodite came over and said. 'It's a key' Kayla replied 'What ever you did, it made it zip through the water and hit me in the foot and it really hurt!' said kayla looking at it more oddly 'Well I didn't do it on purpose! aphrodite said feeling accused "How was I supposed to know that it would hit you?' they heard a sudden screaming of their names at the end of the lake. 'uh oh, they figured out that were out here, we'll talk about this tomorrow!'

The next day at school there was a school assembly. Aphrodite, Kayla, and Jessie all met up and sat next each other to discuss what had happened the night before. 'So have you figured out what the key goes to yet?' Jessie asked Aphrodite, 'I mean you're the only one that could know, cause you were the only one down there.' 'I think I know what it goes to, there was a hole in the globe at the bottom, I looked at it and it looks the same size.' 'Let's go back tonight!'

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Comments  
JeffreyB Comment by: JeffreyB - 2007-05-07 23:03
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Good story. I think it would read clearer and be more consistent with pace if you separated each paragraph with a point of view shift. I look foward to reading more.
TAIG Comment by: TAIG - 2007-05-07 07:54
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I FEEL SO LOVED <3 he he
MaRiAh EsTeP Comment by: MaRiAh EsTeP - 2007-04-24 07:07
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so far so good. but keep writing more details...
HorrorWriter41 Comment by: HorrorWriter41 - 2007-04-23 16:19
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I very cute story so far, and very fast paced, but I do think you might want to run it through spell check and re-post it. Also separate each person speaking with a new paragraph. Thatβ??s all I saw, but I read through it pretty fast. Iβ??m perhaps used to longer work. I think my kids would really like where it seems to be going. Iβ??ll read part 2 and comment on that next J Well done.
awatson Comment by: awatson - 2007-04-23 13:39
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1st half of your story is good now i will read the secound half and message about it good job keep it up
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