constant reminders
like Christmas cards
of everything
you took from me.

and now my lungs
fill with blood
and you wouldn't even be there
to cut a hole in my chest
to relieve the pressure.

each note of a thousand songs
mirrors the same tune.
punching me square in the face
with everything you
swore you would
never do.

like a falsely convicted criminal,
I believed in you--
tying knots in the cord
one by another
I watched them stack.
my faith was in your pocket;
tucked away for a special day.
that you found
and threw away

promises kept empty.

and his flesh
pressed
sticking
to yours
in a lackluster passionate
embrace.

these words dance on the paper,
breaking apart the walls
that I erected,
to help me never leave
that place;
on the hill.

and that first falling leaf
in the fountain
of resistance,
loneliness a mere afterthought.
only memories that are sharp
as daggers
stab at me
over over over over over.

and once again,
draining every drop of love,
and letting it splatter to your feet
in a pool of worthlessness.
compared to another:
just one more kiss
I'll ask for.

only one more thing

kiss me one more time
and lace it with cyanide and ruby lipstick.
roll a pill of arsenic down
my welcoming throat
with your venomous tongue
and diseased saliva.

dress me down
across the concrete slab
have flower girls
douse my body with gasoline.
let him light the match he waited so long for
and let me burn
burn and burn
charring the flesh
and sending smoke into the crisp night sky.

each star will represent another fallen tear--
a plethora of salt ridden explosions.
each one can be
an everyday reminder
of what you lost
for a meaningless little tryst
that may have not meant much to you
but it meant everything to me

and now
saying good-bye
no longer makes me feel like saying sorry'¦

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