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Old Time Cure
I stared deeply into the murky Earl Grey,
The famous words of Packer once again springing to mind:
'All of life's troubles back then,
could be solved over a cup of tea.'
Me, I was on my third mug;
the sugar embracing me in a light-headed hug.
The 'Old Time Cure' not really working on me,
How could they all find comfort in tea?
That letter ' many times creased.
Those words ' once again they released
themselves in my head.
Once heartfelt, carefully chosen, even loving, now'¦
Down / Right / Dead.
I'd sent. He'd received. That's it.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit
nauseous, faint, beyond repair;
My thoughts I'd laid completely bare.
The ball now totally in his court.
My hands warming as I sat in thought.
Game set. A target to match.
Another mug to go down the hatch.
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| Good job. I like the rhythm here and the poem is hearfelt and tender...nothing like laying your feelings out for a guy to either walk over or pick up and dust off! |
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Comment by: - 2007-05-12 22:24
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This poem I like greatly mucho yepp :)
Haha I like the flavored tea, but thas about it :P
I can relate to the whole rhyming thing mentioned below, I rhyme wayy to much, even without trying :/ RHYMERS UNITE!!! :D Not really :I |
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| Great poetry. I love tea though, a South African rooibos tea. |
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Comment by: - 2007-03-25 19:50
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| too hard... typo sorry! |
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Comment by: - 2007-03-25 19:49
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| I think that tc75 could have been a little more constructive! However, although I really like the beginning, from "That letter.." onwards, I felt you were trying to hard to fit the poem in to the rhyming scheme. It doesn't necessarily need to rhyme, you could think of other techniques to continue the rhythm... By trying to continue the rhyme scheme it reads a little disjointed. Not sure if you do this, but if not try reading your poetry out loud. I find this really helps me to feel whether the techniques are working. Anyway, you must hate me by now so I'll shut it! |
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