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JoanneMitch37
Joanne Mitchinson
United Kingdom, Merseyside, Liverpool

My Bookshop
Words: 416
Access: Public
Comments: 6

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Billy & Sally do Love

'It's not today its tomorrow I tell you'

'Today'

'Tommorrow'

'I have had enough of you, can you just get lost'

'You get lost'

Billy stuck two fingers in the air and walked in the direction of the nearest bar.

Sally pouted and stuck her chest out, flirting with a passer by, who stopped and looked her up and down, 'you ok love?'

'I am now you are here'

He laughed, began to move on, then paused and turned towards her again, 'Don't I know you from somewhere?'

'You may do, I have been to most places around here' she laughed.

'You want to go for a drink?'

'Oh yes ' in that bar will be just fine'

Billy's face was like thunder as she walked into the bar, leaning on the new bloke, and throwing daggers in his direction as she moved.

'Will vodka do you?'

'Make it a double and you'll see me right' Sally propped up the bar turning her back on Billy, giving the barman a little flirt just to add to the fun. 'So what do they call you?' she asked of the newcomer, gazing at him directly with half open eyes.

'I'm Joe, and you are?' he felt some tension between them, she passed her thigh close to his as he spoke.

'Jezabel, but you get to call me Jez'

He laughed, 'You sure about that?'

'As sure as can be honey, and she leaned in close to his face.

He could smell the alcohol on her breath, the sweet warmth drew him in. He licked his lips in expectation, then pressed his lips against hers, within seconds she was forcing her tongue deep into his mouth, their chests tight together, her legs twisted around his'.

'Fucking Bitch, BASTARD'¦....' Billy tore at Joe and before he saw what was coming Joe was on the floor taking a beating, Billy kicked him hard in the groin, then grabbed hold of the screaming Sally and dragged her out of the bar, pulling the glass out of her hand and smashing it against the floor as he went.

The barman shouted after them but he was too late, they were both running now, and when they slowed down around the block Sally started laughing uncontrollably as Billy creased over himself to be sick.

She patted his back, laughing still, 'Tommorrow I said'
'Ok, Ok you win'.

© - J. Mitchinson VN BA(Hons)

This is my most recent short story.

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My Bookshop

Comments  
YeOldeFart Comment by: YeOldeFart - 2007-11-06 13:07
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The dialogue held the story together. I got lost in the stories theme, but I'm not familiar with the British vernacular.
artkincell Comment by: artkincell - 2007-09-02 12:38
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Jeesh she said what I wanted to about the pronoun....

You've said so much with such few words... I'm impressed.

if you can do so much with so little, I really have to read something of yours that is longer...
Willow Comment by: Willow - 2007-09-01 19:13
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Girl! This is fucking awesome. My only issue is that the "he" in paragraph 7 be made more recognizable as different from Billy. Do you know what I mean? Whenever you introduce a pronoun without a proper antecedent, readers will go back to the last "he" who was legitimately referenced...in this case, Billy. So, I was confused during the middle of the story.

But, seriously...I LOVE IT! You have done an excellent job of capturing HUGE issues (variance in relationship methodology, particular displays of love, the juxtaposition of humor and anger..., Jesus, I could keep going), and all in one page. I am so impressed. If you get a minute, read my short story, "Suicide Revised." I'd like to know what you think.

"Writers write, always." (Throw Mama from the Train.)
MalcolmMcColl Comment by: MalcolmMcColl - 2007-08-31 18:35
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I hear there is a problem in the UK with excessive drinking. I think it is a good theme to write about because it is current socio-pathy to be drinking and debauching on a personal level. This is a real issue. I am not sure it has ever been as serious as it is now in the UK. And I applaud someone who tries to deal with this very strange reality. Drinking is hard to cipher. It is hard to make sense of excessive drinking. It is easy to point out the symptoms, and much harder to decipher the reality.
JoanneMitch37 Comment by: JoanneMitch37 - 2007-07-03 04:29
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Thanks Robert.
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