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| I think YeOldeFart's on to something... hehe... I know the feeling well! |
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Frumpy, I'm just guessing, but if you removed the "S" from the title would it explain the poem a little better?
I love the cadence. |
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| Hi, I would just like to comment that I think you still need to work on the last two lines of this poem. It has potential to be better if you balance the syllable count of 6/6/9/6/5/9 by changing it to get the extra syllable in the 5th line. The 6th line doesn't feel right as you have all single syllable words, and this doesn't balance with line 3 and "decided" which has a strong 3 syllable count. If you think about my thoughts it may be of use to you. Lines 1 through to 4 are excellent though. Just my opinion / my thoughts to maybe help you - take care - G.Black |
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| This was nice :-) Judging after the title, I think it's about love, not friendship. Either way, it's lovely. |
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I liked these lines
It was only the start
Of the beat of my heart
Then we sang us a tune
While nearing the moon
When I read this my imagination goes wild, thinking of multiple siuations. Could be love or friendship. Alot of creation in a short poem. Thanks for the read, keep smiling:) |
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