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lilacs
they bloomed
each spring
sweetly fragrant
a gentil old bush
sagged against
the leaning fence.
like Grandma's arms
the gathered me in
and gently
pushed away the night
the sharp stench
of pissy beds,
smothering clutch
of sister's legs,
rumbling gasps
of mother's snores,
father's menacing shadow
cast long
upon the wall.
those flowery arms
cancelled it out
as they welcomed me in
and i breathed
and breathed
and breathed.......
Sandra Willis
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Comment by: dseko - 2007-05-16 19:22
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| I wanted to reach out and hug you. Other than a few spelling errors it's a nice piece of work. |
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Comment by: solaris - 2007-05-16 15:13
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lilacs happen to be one of my favourite flowers - got a big old bush right near my front door, and several out back. so enjoyed the 'like Grandmother's arms' image, and the contrasts you offer the reader between the aura of safety conjured with them and the menace of the father's long shadow. yes, abuse has a long shadow, reaching across the years. your ending reminds me so much of how i bury my own face in the lilac's blossoms and simply drink in their almost liquid scent - almost intoxicating.
i was going to suggest something different with layout, but i think the slender length of this actually DOES lend itself to the idea of that long shadow.
as to stanzas, imo if you were to use them, they'd fall naturally after 'the leaning fence', and 'upon the wall'.
keep breathing.
thankyou for this read. oh, gentil - unless that's a word-play it ought to be gentle. |
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Comment by: - 2007-05-16 15:12
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Horrifying. Limned from experience no doubt. The ending is perfect.
4th line spelling: "gentle"
8th line: "they" ?
I love this imagery:
sagged against
the leaning fence.
like Grandma's arms
Maybe some spacing would create natural "breathing" to the flow.
they bloomed
each spring
sweetly fragrant
a gentle old bush
sagged against
the leaning fence.
like Grandma's arms
they gathered me in
and gently
pushed away the night
the sharp stench
of pissy beds,
smothering clutch
of sister's legs,
rumbling gasps
of mother's snores,
father's menacing shadow
cast long
upon the wall.
those flowery arms
cancelled it out
as they welcomed me in
and i breathed
and breathed
and breathed....... |
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