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clhayden
Candice Hayden
United States, FL, Jupiter

Words: 274
Access: Public
Comments: 2

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Old Friends

"What the hell were you thinking, George?"

George turned his face to the wall.

"They said you had a lot of pills in your system, George. Where did you get stuff like that?"

Silence.

"So, why did you do it?"

George turned slowly to face the man. In a voice barely above a whisper, he replied, "Why do you think, Sy? It doesn't take a genius to figure it out. A guy's wife dies and suddenly he feels like there's nothing left for him. Makes sense, huh?"

"That's crap, George! You fooled around on Louise for years. I wouldn't doubt if you were doing it while she lay in that bed dying. You know what this is all about? Attention! Yeah, 'poor me, I lost my wife, feel sorry for me.'"

"Please leave, Sy."

"No, dammit. You need to snap out of this, George. You and me, we've been friends for over fifty years. The 'woe is me' garbage won't work with me."

"Friends like you, Sy, I don't need right now."

"Is this a sympathy ploy to get more women? Despondent widower looks pretty emotionally fragile, makes women want to take care of him. That it, George?"

George's face flamed red. "You know what, Sy? After everything we went through, after all I did, all the mistakes I made, she forgave me. Yeah, Louise forgave my sorry ass. She knew who I was on the very inside, Sy. She knew I was just a scared little boy. There's no other woman out there that'll love me like that."

"Well, if there is, for her sake I hope she never finds you, George."

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Comments  
clhayden Comment by: clhayden - 2007-04-30 04:35
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Hi Timothy,

We are neighbors, well almost (Jupiter)- I used to live in Coral Springs and my daughter was born at Holy Cross. Thank you for your insight. I changed the passive language at your suggestion. It is something I tend to fall into at times - bad habit! I kept in the "where did you get stuff like that" which referred to George downing street drugs, not just prescription meds. I was hoping the reader would get the inference but maybe it's too obtuse? Also, I kept in the "So..." only because I felt it broke up an awkward silence in a more realistic way. Thanks for your input, it was greatly appreciated. (Bet you're glad Spring Break is over!)
Boonrassi Comment by: Boonrassi - 2007-04-29 17:40
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hiya Candice,
( )suggest deletions

Where did you get stuff like that?"
#where did you get that stuff?

"(So,) why did you do it?"

After everything we (had been) [went] through, after all I (had done)[did], all the mistakes I (had) made, she forgave me.
#avoid those 'had' constructions like poison.

interesting slice of life short.
best,
T
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By clhayden

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