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Tonight In Harlem
A saxophone cries
To the dark outside
Brown skin shines in the yellow street lights
Beneath zoot suits and swirling skirts
Heading to a party
That'll pay the rent
And fuel the growing
Fire in their souls
A large black man
Scats on stage
And his hepcat
Jazz band plays
While W.E.B.
Yells at Booker T.
And everyone takes sides.
But neither are wrong,
Booker's just trying
To keep the peace,
Keep his people alive
Long enough
For America
To realize.
But it's different up north
The whites are alright
They spend their nights
Watching black men scat
And Snake Hips dance
And everyone claps
In clubs where blacks
Can only perform.
But if you can't sing
Or dance, or play
Or write, or act
Well then you're just another
Negro.
But right now nothing really matters
Except the saxophone
You hear
Walking down the street
Footsteps in beat
With the rhythm of your heart
Your blood is pumping
Whitey's crew is jumping
And the rent isn't due for a week.
So everything's alright
Tonight
In Harlem.
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| i do not think i can give any good criticism on your poem, since you are clearly the better writer. i can only say i liked it, the rhythm was alluring, and it had a good subject. |
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Badass! A winning reference to culture, politics, and it's set in another time. Very good use of old lingo and terminology. Someone did their homework.
Only one thing i would change is too improve the rhyme is in stanza 4 the last two lines. I would change it from "In clubs where blacks can only preform" To where only blacks preform," flows better and it's easier to digest. |
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| Hey, I like it. I do however, think the line That'll pay the rent could be worded a little different. Such as, To pay the rent or Gonna pay the rent.. maybe?? |
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Destructo and champagne--thanks for your suggestions, they do make sence and I see where you're coming from. I'm not going to change it for visual purposes; if I bring those two lines down, every single line in the stanza is the same length and it looks back. I didn't want you guys to think I was ignoring you because you both have really good opinions.
Thanks guys
Emmma |
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Comment by: - 2007-05-05 20:17
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| This is AWSUMM!!! I really like it, and I HATE learning about slavery! :D(That's wut I'm learning in history right now :/) [Oh yah and haha I can relate to your about me :))] |
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