We meet up in a bar we used to go to. It's been
done up since our day,
and I must admit
I find that a relief. The paint job
and new leather chairs and
abstract paintings on the walls
have gone some way to exorcising
the ghost of something
we let die.
You ask me how I've been and I
lie
and say I'm doing fine.
Even now though,
you still know me
well enough
to know it's just a line,
but you kindly
let it slide.
I ask
how things are working out
with your new life
and you tell me
it's going well with her,
you're happy,
you made the right decision,
and you look
and sound
like you mean it.
I'm sure that's what I want for you,
but it
sure as hell
wasn't
what I wanted to hear,
or to see you
like this
with your eyes all full of someone else
- someone
I could never be.
I'm struggling having you this near
to me.
It's worse than
never seeing you at all. I'd rather
miss you in another town
than miss you
from three feet away instead.
You must realise;
you probably know that I'm
still sleeping on
the left-hand side of bed.
that I
still wake up
confused about
three nights a week,
aching at the absence of
something I
should have learned to live without.
You try talking about the old times,
but I choke
on the past tense and light
a cigarette to hide behind. You tell me
that I really shouldn't smoke,
that I ought to quit,
and I agree,
I know you're right,
but if ever there was a time
that would be right for me,
this moment isn't it,
because all I want to say
is
'if you're gone, you're gone;
please have the grace
to stay that way.
Please don't come back into my life
unless you know that this time you
can stay.'
So I make up some excuse,
tell you it was good to see you,
needing to be
alone by myself
for a while,
to get over
just how well you looked,
just how far
out of reach to me
you are.
I decline your offer of a ride,
and hesitate,
not knowing whether
I'm supposed to kiss you, or
if it's much too late for
things like that.
Then I make my break
while I still think
I can.


[Wrote this after listening to a particular track. Not going to specify which, though... See if anyone happens to work it out.]

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