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dkm
diane m
Canada, Toronto

Words: 114
Access: Public
Comments: 16

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Symptoms Include

(or the day Jack dropped the remote control)


under black track lighting
physical manifestations
subside

electronic junkie
eclectic open concept
push button supplication
click-click-here slave
crammed in a cunning
hidden costs cave
kickbacks and kicks back
with a low carb beer
derealization pilgrim
holding a king-of-the-castle
double 'A' remote control
meant to push-click
sensation away

hours slip away
empty out the day

heart beat beats
and beats
races through
a hollow chest
breathe again breathe
fingertips tingle
heartbeat beats
glaring beats can't breathe
legs are heavy
fingertips tingle
heart beats breathe

can't swallow
can't see
can't swallow this fear

now that these hands
now that these hands are free


dkm/04

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Comments  
Fantasywriter1 Comment by: Fantasywriter1 - 2008-08-22 01:57
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I like it! I am guessing that it is about a man or women for that matter, who comes home from work and jjust wants to relax on the couch and not do anything. Vivid imagery. Good!
mikepyro Comment by: mikepyro - 2008-05-15 14:32
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very good piece with lush imagery that flows well.
the style really adds to the work and the tone is simple but effective.
very bizarre style and imagery really space this out from the usual flow of poetry out there.
I enjoyed it.
well done.
BethShanFan Comment by: BethShanFan - 2008-05-04 08:51
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I like this. You have a lot of good imagery and make the simple act of relaxing in front of the tv after a hard day's work seem very inviting. As the writing progresses however it seems to get more lyrical--which is good, mostly--but it got a little hard to figure out where it was ending; I had to read the last stanza twice. But it's not a big problem at all, because I really enjoyed it. Good stuff.
Glen aka FAD Comment by: Glen aka FAD - 2007-11-05 12:23
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This verse would be better said aloud in front of a group of people to see the reaction of the words your expressing and give the piece that much more...

Glen Yumang Manese
dkm Comment by: dkm - 2007-11-05 04:59
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Thanks for the comments!
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