writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
quilterofwords
Bonnie Florea
United States, Oh, Blanchester

My Bookshop
Words: 145
Access: Public
Comments: 17

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




Separating

Beloved, we must part: as I beg, do not let it be
Calamitous and bitter, it has been in the past
There has been too much sadness and self-pity:
Let us be done with it: forever, now, at last.

Never has the sun been more brilliant sitting in the sky.
There have never been more eager hearts, to be free.
Kicking down dragons without our swords.
No longer holding back, we are midnight mammals which see.

Searching the dark for a different muse.
There is regret. Always, there is regret.
However better it is, that our lives unloose,
As two tall oaks, wind mastered, drenched with light.
Break from the storm with branches out stretched.
Making it back from breaking hearts, wrecked.

Bittersweet to loosen strings, knots, noose.
Freedom it rings, sadness ensues.
Beloved, we must part: as I beg, do not let it be

Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]


My Bookshop

Comments  
quilterofwords Comment by: quilterofwords - 2007-08-04 10:41
Add to Readers
      
decaturboy,
thank you again for your editing tips. I have appplied them.
decaturboy Comment by: decaturboy - 2007-08-04 09:58
Add to Readers
      
Very well written poem, Bonnie. Melancholy tone, flowing and melodic and all fits the theme. Really well chosen words in the right places.

A couple nits ... "bittersweet" is one word (normally). Also, the comma after "mammals" doesn't seem right.
quilterofwords Comment by: quilterofwords - 2007-08-02 05:56
Add to Readers
      
Moonblade do you see it now?
quilterofwords Comment by: quilterofwords - 2007-08-02 05:55
Add to Readers
      
The word is used "Beloved" as an introduction to the poem, to express that all though a relationship has ended, one is still beloved.
rockrobin Comment by: rockrobin - 2007-07-24 03:49
Add to Readers
      
I like this poem. The positive, upbeat attitude towards parting is so refreshing in a world where there is so much blame, and I like the metrer and rhyming structure. I have to agree with Knight though, "Beloved" implies to me a formality and totality of commitment that has clearly gone from this relationship. I know that there are subtle differences in the way we use our common language, but for me "Love" or even "My love" would say what you want to say in a more straightforward, less romantic way.
1 2 3 4 Next

Sponsored Ads


Added to Library of:

By quilterofwords

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S