I hear the rumbling of hot molten anger inside of me. My body is shaking with fury. My mind no longer controls my limbs. I cannot breathe. I want to scream but I can't. Instead I bite my lip until the bitter taste of blood mixes with my saliva. Resentment, indignation and hate feed the fire of defiance inside the pit of my being. And before I can shake off the rage pounding inside my head, I launched that tight, closed right fist into the open air.

My eyes are closed as I hit the hard, gravel-ridden wall over and over again. The crashing waves of ire wash over me. While there is blood all over my fist as gravel pitted itself on my flesh, there is no pain. For pain was inside me. It was screaming for freedom and escape. Hitting that wall was the only option I had. Man made me do it.

Some people cry when they can't take the pressure of life. Others totally give up and commit suicide. I, on the other hand, smile. I smile my angry smile as the world slaps my face with horrid images of death, greed, hunger, filth, poverty and deceit. I smile when their mouths spew forth trash, bile, blasphemy, insults and taunts. I smile because society dictates that we are civilized. That we can be rational when settling arguments. We are the highest form of species in this planet and therefore, there should be no need for violence and hate. But why do these things still exist?

Society tells us to handle arguments in a positive and calm manner. Talk things out, weighing the negative against the positive. We are taught to be silent. To keep our rage bottled up. So amidst all the ugliness and muck of the world, we have to face it with a smile. With a smile formed from the boiling pits of resentment and hate.

He was clearly wrong but you were the one demoted. The promotion you've been waiting for 15 years finally arrives only to find out it was given to your subordinate. Your so-called 'special one'� shacks up with someone other than you. You studied so hard and yet you failed your finals. You are in college and everybody else has a cellphone except you. The government is giving you the run around and blatantly spends the money you worked your backs for on luxury that you can't even afford. Life is unfair. And society tells us to deal with it. They never tell us how.

I can't shout at the driver for being too slow that I missed my flight. Why? Because it's wrong and I'm civilized. I can't kick the cop for not responding to the snatcher who stole my wallet because he wasn't there and he couldn't catch up with him and I'm civilized. I can't slap my sister because she took my palm pilot without permission and broke it, because I'm civilized. So where does all my anger go? Into the bowels of my soul, waiting, just biding time when all my frustration, indignation, rage, madness, fears and insecurities eats through its steel cage.

Teenagers know what I feel. They have the rage inside them as I do. They commune and revel in anger's fiery lot seeking comfort from each other during rock concerts where the anthem blares loudly on the speakers with wicked guitar rifts and wild beating drums. Afterwards, they go home peaceful again having unleashed the burning pain and fury inside.

Adults, however, are a different matter. We are thought to be more responsible of our actions. And the slightest sign of rage labels us lunatics and madmen. Where do we find our release? Some find it in sports, others in vices such as food, alcohol, cigarettes, sex, drugs and gambling. And because the anger inside can't be fooled by pleasantries of hypocrisy eventually it leads us to our destruction. Unless we find a way to suck it out of our system like poison out of an open wound.

There is no lesson in here. Just seething anger and rage. I'm not crazy punching the hard wall and making my hand bleed. In fact, I'm saner than anyone else I know. I'm not afraid to release the growing devil inside me. I would rather abort than let him control me. People will never understand why all of a sudden I turn from a nice normal girl into a wall-punching bitch. They think I lost control of my senses. On the contrary, I have never felt freedom like this before. With each blow, my mind gets clearer and my heart feels lighter. The pain will subside and the rage sate for now.

And then, there is peace again.

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