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City Smells Competition: 100 Words
The grotesque smells of deep city life oozed from the ill lit alley's every wall.
His search commenced upon the day she left, long ago, seeking glamour in this decaying concrete shell of stars.
Finally, far from their languid country life, clicking heels brought her face, though above a candle shining red.
Her clothing concealed not a fraction of her form, and as she saw him her shoulders slumped in shame.
He hesitated.
She sobbed, and stumbled towards him.
For him, nothing else mattered; she still needed him.
He gently gathered her in his arms, and together they headed Home.
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| Good luck with the city smells comp; liked how you kept your writing to 100 words (a fun self challenge). All of your imagery in this piece is pretty spot on, save for one word: 'grotesque'. It's meaningless.Your other word choices though,like 'oozed' & 'decaying', really give off the stench of rotting & I like how the narrator is ambiguous: could be a boyfriend OR a parent. |
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hiya Brandon..
The grotesque smells of deep city oozed from the ill lit alley's every wall.
/didnt love it at first.. but 'ill lit' makes you really have to say it slowly. pretty cool. nice.
His search (had begun) when she left, long ago, seeking glamour in this decaying concrete shell of stars.
/forget about wriing had begun in micro fiction again. cast it out.
dawned, commenced, sprouted... syns for those.
Finally, far from their languid country life, clicking heels brought (him) her face, (though) now above a candle shining red.
//totally not needed.
Her clothing concealed not a fraction of her form, and as she saw him her shoulders slumped in shame.
//nice.
He gratefully gathered her in his arms, and together they headed Home.
//not in love with 'gratefully' but i hear ya.. synonyms maybe.
dude.. nice work.
best,
T |
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