So, can arête be taught? Can it be learned?
Am I excellent by design or by accident?
I've got to tell you that I was born the coolest motherfucker on the planet.
My mother was a burnt out acid freak, the one who bought the whole bullshit of the peace-nik generation. She claims that my father was a mystic, a raconteur and one of the most inspiring men she had ever met.
I never met that guy. More importantly he never knew me.
My childhood was spent in various childrens homes, I would be placed with a family for a while, and they would either want to bugger me or fall at my feet and hero worship me.
Neither option turned me on.
I guess my underlying philosophy in life was one of pragmatic nihilism. I understand that this was a learned philosophy; it was not an endogenous belief system. I doubt belief systems really are innate. I nurtured my beliefs over the years.
Every social worker I met, every bleeding heart kept on telling me that I was 'special' and 'unique'. Apparently so was everybody else. We were all special and unique. We were all born 'good'. Even the lousy bastards out there were simply lost and could be brought to a state of self-actualisation.
I could not agree with their views. Fuck it, the way I saw it, I did not care if I was unique, or talented. I had a cock, a spleen, and a pancreas, just like every other mammal on the planet. I would survive, I would sleep and shit just like everything else on this planet.
My schooling was conventional in the sense I knew nothing by the time I left. I thought I knew everything whilst I was there.
This caused some tension between the staff and myself.
I was a fighter and a lover too. I helped a lot of girls abort. It was an important step in practical nihilism. Destroy that which is unwanted, uneconomical and removes the will to power.
For a period in my life I wondered why mom didn't abort. I guess she was too fucking out of her tree to realise she was pregnant. Mom probably thought that her belly had the Holy Spirit in it or some such shit.
I guess my personal view of the world was expressed through my actions. Pragmatic Nihilism is pretty much what the title suggests. I've met a lot of those 'Goth' kids or 'emo' kids who happily revel in their misery, stoned, listening to some old man tell them how to be a rebel, how to feel really bad. I've watched a lot of those kids get into cutting. They cut their arms; they look at the blood seeping out so they can 'see their pain'. I remember one time when I was fucking some skinny Goth teen (I remember she kept her black cheesecloth blouse on all the time) when I noticed those scars across the back of her forearms.
'What the fuck is the point of that?' I'd asked. Of course they don't really answer, they just pout, or cry, or get mildly angered.
If she wanted to be cut, I could do that, she could model my will on her body.
It was later that day the police came.
Even in that stinking cell, faeces smeared across the wall, broken men pleading in their eyes, I felt above it all. There was no fear for me in there; there was just another microcosm of the outside world.
My defence of claiming that removing the girls skin from her chicken-milk breasts had made her more alive was ignored. I was sentenced to a prison hospital whilst my mental state was assessed.
There were no women in there, and at times my need to ejaculate almost distracted me from the true path. The daily grind of routine almost destroyed me; it crushed the lesser men than myself.
My philosophy had lead me to live a dissociate life. I was removed from the petty fears and dreams of the other organ carriers.
The psychiatrist I was assigned to wrote his reports on me. I returned the favour on him. He was a small, round-shouldered man with thick glasses. He had a slight lisp that amused me. I was disappointed with his response to my dossier. I had no expectation of justice whilst incarcerated. I had no expectation of anything whilst I was there. My mind was clear and free.
The shrink however was appalled. The fact remained, this man was obviously my father and I had spotted this. It was my strongly held belief that he knew of this and had colluded with others to detain me here against my will.

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