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The Quest for Morla
CRACK!
CRACK CRACK!!
The mountain was splitting open. Or, at least, that's what it sounded like. I couldn't believe it.
CRACK!
Every time I heard that sound, the ground trembled.
CRACK CRACK!!
Now I could actually see one large crack along the side of the dome-like mountain. I had been here before, only once. This was the home of one of the strangest creatures I had ever seen.
Usually, it was just called "the Ancient One." If it had any other names, I have never heard them. Or, perhaps I have only forgotten...
The Ancient One was hundreds (perhaps thousands) of years old. I had learned on my previous visit to this place that this giant mound was not only the creature's home...but the creature itself.
CRACK!
CRACK CRACK!!
An enormous triangular piece of the mound separated and slid sideways. It didn't fall off, because it was supported by the rest of the mountain's surface around it that had not yet separated from the mountain underneath.
CRACK!
I was beginning to worry.
CRACK CRACK!!
Had I come to the right place? Yes, I'm sure that I took the same path. Also, this place looks just as I remembered it.
CRACK!
Did the Ancient One still live here? Yes, surely this dome could not be anything else but the Ancient One itself.
CRACK CRACK!!
Was the Ancient One ill, or perhaps even dying? No one could truly know what that would be like. The Ancient One was so old, that no living soul had ever seen another like it.
There was one final deafening CRACK!! Then, a low rumbling sound that sounded like a great pressure being released underground.
Suddenly, something the size of the very largest sort of tree trunk pushed up through the ground. The thing roared slowly through the dirt and mud. It seemed to open. Was that a giant mouth straining through the vines? "This is a good sign," I thought to myself.
It was the Ancient One. Or rather, it was the Ancient One's head. The Ancient One was a colossal turtle. The huge dome-shaped mountain was its shell, and this "tree trunk" with a mouth was its neck and head.
As more of the mud dripped off of its head, I began to recognize the creature I had visited once before. It opened its eyes and began to speak with a voice so loud and rumbling...that one could feel it.
"ATREYU."
"Yes, Ancient One," I said.
"ON ANOTHER QUEST, ARE YOU?"
"Yes, I am."
"WELL, BOY, ASK WHAT IT IS THAT YOU CAME TO ASK."
"Ancient One, I was sent by the Empress to learn if you were still alive. As I can see clearly that you are indeed still living, I have another question for you."
"SPEAK UP, BOY. ASK YOUR QUESTION."
"What were those great sounds I heard, and why did the earth tremble so? Are you dying?"
"I HAVE LIVED FOR COUNTLESS GENERATIONS BEFORE YOU, AND I WILL LIVE LONGER THAN YOUR GRANDCHILDREN."
"If that is so, then what was happening a moment ago?"
"A TURTLE CANNOT GROW TO THE SIZE OF A MOUNTAIN IN A SINGLE SHELL."
"Your old shell was cracking apart to make way for the new shell?"
"YES."
"I'm glad to know that you aren't dying. I'm sure the Empress will be glad as well."
"THANK YOU. NOW GO AWAY. TELL THE EMPRESS NOT TO BOTHER ME AGAIN FOR A THOUSAND YEARS."
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| As someone who has both read the Neverending Story and seen the movie, I found this most enjoyable. The innocence and playfulness on the surface does a great job accenting the deeper meaning you carefully placed in there. Cool piece. |
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Comment by: Norma - 2008-04-22 06:37
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I have to agree with Louise Kay about the word "crack." Other than that, very enjoyable. THe narrative and dialogue moves along well. I was delighted to be brought back to The Neverending Story, a fond childhood memory of mine indeed.
Norma |
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Hehehe. It's called fan fiction, folks. Nicely done, by the way.
My only quibble is that the word 'crack' should only be used for the sound effects. They work well for this, but using the word again in regular narration is a bit much. '..The mountain was cracking open..' Could be replaced with something like - '..The mountain was splitting open..'
And '..see a large crack along the side.." Could be - '..see a large fissure along the side..' (Always have a Thesaurus handy - they are one of a writer's best friends. *wink*)
Other than that, good job. I wasn't sure what was going on until I saw the name Atreyu. This fits the world and genre it belongs to very well. (Yes, I am a fan of the Neverending Story, too.) :) |
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Comment by: macayle - 2007-06-06 23:15
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| In case anyone thought differently, let me make something very clear: I never intended to imply that these characters were my own creation. In fact, it is specifically written in a way that "pays off" for the reader that is familiar with the characters. Both are from the movie "The Neverending Story." I simply wrote something new using those characters. Even the events in my story are reminiscent of events in the movie. Again, I did not intend to imply that this was a COMPLETELY original creation of mine. The text IS, however, 100% original. I believe "The Neverending Story" is also a book, but I've never read it. This is not even a re-creation or re-write of that movie/book, it is my own original story. It is similar to someone writing their own story starring Dracula or James Bond. If I were gaining anything from this story, I might have to worry about copyrights, and that sort of unfortunate (but necessary) business. I get inspired by all sorts of things, and I like to write about things that inspire me. I would never dream of trying to steal anyone's creation, I only wanted to unofficially ADD TO IT, and have fun with those characters. I apologize for any confusion. |
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Comment by: redd - 2007-06-06 20:26
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Atreyu...hummmm
I have heard that name before...oh yeah and kind of knew what was going to happen as soon as you said turtle. Nice work....I laughed so hard. |
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