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quilterofwords
Bonnie Florea
United States, Oh, Blanchester

My Bookshop
Words: 147
Access: Public
Comments: 3

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Mourning

Hair wisps across her face.


She sits in dismay.


Tears stream like rain, running down a windowpane.


Mind cloudy in thought, a whirlwind of sadness and pain.


Here in this silence, rocking herself.


She moans and a sob comes, from deep in her throat.


The wind howls in the distances, as the room becomes darker.


No light is needed to see.


It's all about misery.


Shaky hands move, to push back the fallen hair,


And hold the face, streaming in a river of tears.


Her body trembling as if in spasms.


Goose bumps rise to the flesh.


When did hell visit earth?


Life is a mess.


Voices muffled, from another room.


Whisperings that talk, of impending doom.


No end is within reach.


Ears not wanting to hear.


Death is life and it can't be endured.


It just is!


It is to be, an inevitable, defeat.


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My Bookshop

Comments  
quilterofwords Comment by: quilterofwords - 2007-07-12 06:17
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Honestly, I have never been satisfied with the ending of this piece, but other then that, I felt it was pretty good myself, although I don't always think so of my poetry.
Still I am open for improvement, if it enhances the mood and message I wanted to get across.
carriedale Comment by: carriedale - 2007-07-11 17:54
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sometimes the reader doesn't want to have to think! I agree that some should be left to the imagination- but not alwyas. I related to the character very much. Thanks for sharing.
RJWilliams Comment by: RJWilliams - 2007-07-02 21:33
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This poem has a lot of potential. I noticed that you like to narrate in your poems. You give us everything, as if you were writing a book. Poetry should make the reader think. When I read your poem, I say, "That's sad" and I move on. It gives me nothing to keep, to ponder over once I'm gone.
Here is an idea. This is part of your poem, maybe you can re-work if sort os like:

Hair wisps across the face.

She sits in dismay.

Tears stream like rain, running down a windowpane.

Mind clouded in thought, a whirlwind of sadness, pain.

In this silence, she rocks.

A sob comes from within.

(I think your poem will be more powerful if you do)
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