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Mishel
Mishel Reyes
United States, CA, NORTH HOLLYWOOD

Words: 193
Access: Public
Comments: 4

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The Vanishing

I stayed wrapped around my chair. It had been hours, maybe days. I began to budge and this feeling of arousal came upon me. I shifted my self to every position known possible.

'It's ok Cindy. I'll take you out."

'Really? Oh God, I'm in need of help.' I said as something tried to unzip me. Something, that I could not see. 'Just close your eyes, and I'll do the rest.' I closed my eyes at it's command, warm tears strayed down my eyes to my upper lip. I hadn't eaten or drank and it's saltiness produced this sadness and helplessness.

'Oh my God! I'm feeling fucking horny.'

'It's ok Cindy,' said some distant voice. I fainted only to wake up again.

'What?' I said, as I looked from wall to wall. 'Where am I?'

'Just close your eyes Cindy' said again my angel. I now considered it my angel in this God forsaken place. I could hear steps coming by.

'Help! Help! Help!' I shouted at a nearby window. Nobody at sight.

'Just close your eyes Cindy.' I closed them.

'Now vanish.'

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Comments  
Mishel Comment by: Mishel - 2007-05-17 20:21
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thank you Chris, will make the corrections soon.
thank you so much for the review, :D
---mishel
Comment by: - 2007-05-17 20:07
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Creepy and somehow still sexy story.

In this line:

??It??s ok Cindy? I??ll take you out.

is the end quote misplaced?

Also, "it's" is always a contraction for IT IS.

I closed my eyes at it??s command. Warm tears strayed down my eyes to my upper lip. I hadn??t eaten or drank and it??s saltiness produced this sadness and helplessness.

In the first and last sentence there should be no apostrophe in the word.

Very dark. I love a good, quick, dark read.

Thanks!
Mishel Comment by: Mishel - 2007-05-17 12:42
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thank you again, :D
Gothica Comment by: Gothica - 2007-05-17 11:10
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This is a short but strong examination of the helplessness of the captive. There is the disorientation of waking without knowing how much time has passed, and the erotic element, and the urge to think of the captor as an angel. Very deep and dark.
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By Mishel

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