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| This is amazing. I love it. A perfect marriage of simplicity and the profound. BTW...we're neighbors! |
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Comment by: foxfyre - 2007-06-18 22:57
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| I love it!!! a touch of hard core zen emerging! |
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Comment by: Kelly - 2007-06-18 09:38
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| last two stanzas are brilliant! nicely done. |
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What I'm reading into this poem is a reluctance to accept day in place of night. The images of night are so delicate and beautiful and the brutal reality of daylight is represented by a pesky fly.
I love the simplicity and the haiku-like feel. The first line feels awkward to me. Maybe it's just the word amidst.
How about away from the shrinking basins? I think away from would be more consisten with waning and shrinking. |
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Last two stanzas said it all (for me) Wondering if the lead up is 'necessary'? It feels like your writing is shifting quite a bit since I last read yr poetry some months ago. I will watch the journey with interest.
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