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The House of Dysfunction
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The House of Dysfunction
((((((((Rough Draft))))))))
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The house with
the cherry wood door
sits at the end of
a cul-de-sac,
looking serene
and balanced,
so I walked up
calmly and knocked
on the door
I get a whiff of despair
as the door is opened
and I am greeted by
fading hope.
As I enter I smell
something
sweet and ripe
but only see dark corners.
I move in further
to explore the shadows
and see hanging bones
held up by cobweb chains.
Then the screaming started.
The sound of a ghost
who cannot pass
because of unfinished business.
It sounds like a banchee
and comes from every angle
to surround me with its cry.
Dusty pictures
of smiling faces,
the frames have
all been shattered
glass glitters
on the linoleum floor.
I see a piece of rope
on the dining room table,
I pick it up.
It is a noose
fitted perfectly
for the lonely.
I let it drop to my feet.
I go up the staircase
to the second floor.
On each step
is a lost memory,
I walk carefully so
not to step on them.
I reach the top and find
five closed doors.
I turn the handle on
the first one and enter.
I see a little girl
on a canopy bed.
Her face is blank
as the man grunts
on top of her.
Everything is faded
in this room
as if time stood still
for far too long.
The small child
turns her eyes towards me
as if to ask me for help.
I walk out of the room
and close the door
behind me,
feeling guilty and relieved
at the same time.
I go to the second door
and reach for the knob
but I pause before opening,
wondering why I just don't
go out that cherry door
I entered and leave.
It is like I am being pushed
by an invisible hand.
I will not be allowed
to leave until I have
seen everything.
I enter the room
and feel a force
that knocks me to
the ground.
Out of breath
I try to stand
but am pushed down
by unseen gravity.
I see the same little girl
that was in the first room,
only now she is moving
back and forth in time,
like a record skipping.
She is reliving,
over and over,
the abandonment
by both her parents.
Her movements slow down
and she turns to look at me,
Terror covers her face
like a wet blanket.
I hear a whisper in my ear,
'Please don't leave me alone.'
I push myself up off the ground
with all the force I have
and stumble out of the room
closing the door behind me.
'I am no hero!'
My voice echoes
down the hallway
going full circle
back to me.
I curse myself for
entering this strange house.
All I want to do is escape,
yet I move
almost without
acknowledgement
to the third door.
As the doors opens
I feel a chill which renders
me frozen in place.
I move only when
the air passes through me
and the door slams shut
behind me.
It is snowing in this room.
I am outside an
apartment building
in the dead of winter.
The door to the building
is open so I go inside
hoping for some heat.
I see something move
out of the corner of my eye.
It is the same girl
only a few years older.
She is hiding behind
the door with her knees
tucked under her chin.
Though her whole body
is shivering
she looks up at me.
Not able to speak
she reaches for my hand.
I quickly pull back
so I do not feel her touch.
I know she will pull me
into the winter with her
where it is always cold.
I keep my eye on her
as I back out,
walking until I feel
the door.
I reach my hand around
and open the it.
I am once again
in the long hallway.
I feel my ears
they have ice
hanging from the lobes.
I pull it off and walk
to the fourth door.
Hoping to get in and out
as fast as I can,
I swing open the door
and jump in.
The room is covered
in blood.
It flows from the walls
and makes waves
at my feet.
The same girl,
now a teenager,
sits on the floor
with a razor in her hand.
Both of her wrists
spout blood
like a waterfall.
She turns to me in rage.
I see blood tears
falling down her face.
'Why?'
she screams,
'Why?'
I feel my throat
filling with blood.
I know if I swallow it
I will stay
here
in this place of death.
I try to turn the doorknob
to leave
but it is slick with blood.
I take the end of my shirt
and use it to open the door.
Spitting up blood I am
back in the hallway.
I brace on hand against
the wall and empty my stomach,
retching long after I have
thrown up
my breakfast and lunch.
In a state of shock
I walk to the last door.
The fifth door.
A feeling of relief
creeps in past the shock.
'Just one more',
I repeat twice.
I open the door
and apprehensively
walk through
its frame.
Not fast enough
I turn around
trying to leave the room.
I scratch at the door
but it closes then disappears.
I am in another hallway
with five more doors.
I lie down in a fetal
position just before
the first room.
I know the house
has trapped me.
I will just go on
to more hallways
and more doors.
I realize there was
a beginning but
there would be no end.
I wonder if there
will be another room
full of blood.
This time I will
swallow and surrender.
Join the girl who has
many horrors
behind her closed doors.
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Reminds me of, "Hotel California" You can checkout any time you like,
But you can never leave!
I see you have this as a 'rough draft' - I see where improvements need be, am sure you do, too - you change verb tense in the 1st verse, I would ...
... looking forward to see your final draft. |
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Very Horrorific and sad and the same time why in the HELL would anyone go inside a house like this- that was my first thought but then curiousity killed the cat the and protagonist is one dead cat but the imagery and the words arch your spine with dread and dry your mouth for the fear of tasting blood.
very good I expect no less from you I will be so glad to read you next work. |
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Add me to your list of fans.
This is terrible, but drawing. The reader (Jeez! That's me!) is sucked in just like the protagonist. I've been in one of those houses, but mine is interesting and exciting and loving as well as horrible.
And I must say there is an escape, but it takes a hero(-ine!) as large as those terrifying Hindu gods and goddesses. The protagonist might find a hero as role model, but she will ultimately have to become her own heroine.
Sounds like pap, I know. But this superwoman of whom I speak must do the unthinkable. That will take courage.
So the problem becomes, where does our heroine find that much self-confidence / self-worth?
You are really quite a writer. You have given the same little girl a voice.
I think the line "greeted by fading hope" is marvelous, but I might, IMHO, cut the stanza "It sounds like a banchee (isn't that spelled with an 's' instead of a 'c'?)/ and comes from every angle/ to surround me with its cry." It is describing something "like" from the outside. Has "I" actually heard a banshee? Then the experience in this house cannot be so terribly bad by comparison.
"It is a noose
fitted perfectly
for the lonely." is so much better because the "I" is describing what she actually sees in the present. It is also very evocative.
The lines "I hear a whisper in my ear, 'Please donβ??t leave me alone.'" are very touching and wring my heart.
Whew!
In my house, in the basement, there is a room as big as a superdome. In it is a mountain of rats clambering up and over one another to get to the top. I know this is part of me. It does not compare with the circular horror of the House of Dysfunction. |
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| sounds like a nightmare, or a horrible night of drinking whiskey |
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| I respectfully disagree with sunshine's POV. I can easily understand why a little girl would be tormented by her parents abandoning her no matter how wretched their previous behavior toward her may have been. That is the nature of little girls. If we were so readily able to hate the people who wrong us, those wrongs wouldn't be so painful. I didn't find anything about this write to be inconsistent. This is an amazing extended metaphor and wonderfully written. Your diction enlists all my senses. I can not only see this place....I experience this place as you take me through the smells, textures, and tastes. Once again...you are a master at emotion. Your passion is evident in your writing. You have a new fan! |
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