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Sunset of Love
They both knew
This day was going to come
The day when one was going to have to admit
It's not working quite as they planned
He knew
There was nothing they could do
She knew
There was nothing they could change
And it no longer mattered
Who had been right
And who been wrong
They both knew
It wasn't worth it
Because this wasn't the real thing
And neither of them were ready
To settle for second best.
*** Not happy with the title at all, I'll work on it though - suggestions welcome!! ****
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| Since we know it's the end, why not call it "Sundown?" |
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| i like this poem because i can totally relate to it.. and i always like that in poetry |
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Complacent Departure
I like titles that are straight forward, verbose, and can be interpreted in many ways... all at once. |
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| That title doesn't have the guts of the poem. The poem's true, sad, tough, and unresolving.(sorry, Hulshizer). |
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I like the effort that has gone into this work,
distilling just exactly how it is without unnecessary adornment
(and with that quality in mind, I would appreciate your comments on some of my writing)
The title. Sunset of Love is the only thing in the work
approaching a metaphor or simile. But its a dog-tired cliche, and cliches
work against the expressive intent,
unless you can do something vitally new with them.
Yet, you've adopted the Sunset cliche which suggests to me,
that there is a powerful unexpressed undercurrent to this poem
that needs to surface through metaphor or similar.
Just my 28 cents worth.
Alternatively, since the poem is about "the real thing" why not call it that? |
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