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Vanished
Vanished
As if a phantom caressed me,
I shiver in the twilight.
I turn half expecting to see
Your breath in the air.
Maybe my dreams can deliver you here.
Reaching deep into the recesses of my mind,
I find an image like a snapshot
Of your face
Such beauty
Such grace
And in an instant it dissolves
As if a phantom stole my soul
And you are no more.
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Ah ... this is sooo close! You put me there, under a changing sky, perhaps alone in the forest. It's so close to crystalline tart.
But "recesses of my mind" is, I am afraid, a bit TOO SAID. Cliche, you know. Don't use words here, use an image ... something the reader can SEE (in words, though) that says the same thing.
This is nice as is, but with some ruthless renovation it could be grand. |
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There is so much of emotion in this poem...a longing for something dear to the heart ...
loved these lines
'And in an instant it dissolves
As if a phantom stole my soul
And you are no more.'
nice work :) |
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Comment by: briana - 2007-11-04 21:26
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This was wonderful.
"And in an instant it dissolves
As if a phantom stole my soul
And you are no more."
Favorite Part. |
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| This poem has kind of an ethereal feel to it. Nice. |
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Comment by: - 2007-05-25 04:36
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A fleeting moment.... Beautiful....
1 day you will turn and he will be there..... well done! |
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