Earth agent Axel has been captured and probed. But is his real enemy the Techno Witch or is it the little green men from Alpha Centauri?

This humorous Science Fiction story was initially published in AlienSkin Magazine in August of 2006.

Axel awoke not inside his stealth assassination suit, but inside a transparent womb. Green fluid sloshed inside the confines of the egg sphere. Not only was he submersed in the goop he was breathing it. Such a shock might have been overwhelming had they not trained him to adapt to differing environments such as oxygenated fluid.

Breathing the liquid was not nearly as disconcerting as the monitor probes inserted into his naked body. The cardiac sensors piercing his nipples felt like high-density micro-cable, as was the line pulled by the anal-intestinal crawler. He could feel the crawler navigating his intestinal tract and pulling a line of data cord into him. Axel put aside thoughts of dealing with the crawler, and instead focused on the thick data-worm exploring his stomach contents. Two thinner branches of the worm were in the process of burrowing through his sinus passages.

Yet before beginning the laborious task of de-probing himself, Axel chose to survey his immediate area of captivity. He breast stroked forward inside the womb until he was able to press his face against the transparent surface. The contact allowed him to avoid the magnification distortion produced by the thickly curving bubble. The view immediately confirmed that he wasn't in an Alpha Centauri facility. The organic computers interlinked together on the tables below the dozens of hanging wombs were disembodied brains, not a coma collective of full bodied Alphas.

For the moment he could postpone his synaptic self-destruct for fear of an brain download prior to execution. The threat to his body was far greater, for surely the brain network and the menagerie collection of specimen wombs indicated that he was inside one of the Techno Witch's laboratories.

The probes were only the beginning of all that the witch intended for him. He might well prefer download and execution before her auto-experiments completed. Axel thought it curious to be analyzed and dissected within the very facility he had been ordered to locate for orbital destruction. Not that he was overly concerned at the moment, for this wasn't the first time he'd been probed. His masters had carefully trained him for such an eventuality.

He started with the nipple pierces. It involved tensing his pectoral muscles while simultaneously pulling both probe wires with equal force. He watched both nipples and the surrounding areola stretch almost elastically just before the probe barbs popped free. Tiny red drops mixed with the green fluid. He crimped and then tied off the probe ends to prevent auto re-insertion.

The nasal and tracheal passages proved much more challenging. Axel used a combination of blow and pull to remove the nasal portion of the data worm and was quite surprised to extract over a meter of chord. Once he tied it off he began the arduous task of vomiting the stomach worm. It too required a retch-pull combination that so engrossed him that Axel didn't realize that he'd floated to one side of his womb. He looked over to discover an Alpha Centauri male keeping him under observation from another womb.

'It would probably come out easier if it wasn't entangled with all of the organic refuse you humans eat.'�

Axel vomited the last length of the abdominal probe taking his time tying it off to carefully observe his mocker. The Alpha was at least a meter shorter, big head and eyes, green tinted skin and hairless, except for the long flowing topknot and the bushy pubic region. This one was a telephonic telepath. Axel doubted that the Alpha could detect surface thoughts, just broadcast and reception. Recalling his training, he remembered to start with the last word of the transmission.

'Eat my excrement, little green man.'�

'That would entail your entire consumption, human male. Of course, we don't really care for adult humans, but we do find your babies to be a delicacy.'�

Axel admitted that this greenie was quite adept at psychological warfare. His manipulation of Post-English and Earth propaganda was most impressive. Rather than responding telepathically Axel countered with over a dozen universal gestures that included several digital variations, wagging his manhood, and a movement that involved pursing his lips and then indexing toward his buttocks.

'Interesting undulations, human. I see that you haven't yet removed all of your probes. I finished that task prior to our conversation and now I will be conducting a structural integrity analysis of this container while you're still excreting your anal probe.'�

The jibe struck Axel with the reality that he couldn't afford a leisurely escape. This Alpha intended to capitalize on his advantage and most likely terminate Axel once he attained it. Axel rejected the automatic tension the thought produced within in him. He needed to relax, because tension and clenching was the last thing he needed if he had any hope of rapidly extracting the anal-intestinal probe before the Alpha discovered a way to escape from his womb.

Centimeter by centimeter Axel gradually disgorged the probe line. Pushing did not help him. It only encouraged the probe to further engage its tentacle traction. He mustered all of his relaxation and meditation drills to coax the passage wider and wider while he gently pulled on the data cord. One meter, then two, and finally the full three meters attached to the probe came out. At the end of the line he yanked the probe creature through the last leverage point it held at the anal aperture.

At least eight centimeters in length the probe creature sported over fifty sensor-traction tentacles. The best Axel could relate it was some kind of combination of centipede and cockroach. The creature desperately wanted to reinsert. Axel held it at the end of the chord until choosing the exact exoskeleton vertebra that he needed to snap. He let the slack creature float away from him.

Axel looked over to see the Alpha treading green fluid around the edges of his womb shell. He knew there was too much of a time lag behind the alien and that he would never complete his own geometric assessment before the Alpha had found a way to breach the womb. He decided to the let the little green man do the work for him. After a few more moments of observation he realized that this was no Alpha Centauri scientist or tech specialist. This was another operative.

A few additional minutes passed before he realized that the Alpha had stopped gliding and had settled at the lowest point of the womb. The first kick made little progress, but Axel quickly understood what he must do. He dove to the bottom of his own womb and immediately launched into repeated heel kicks.

At first, he felt nothing but reverberation. Then spidery lines appeared in the glassy surface where his heal repeatedly struck. He looked over to see the Alpha's green fluid level decreasing and he increased the rapidity of his own kicks. One of the longer cracks became wider with each effort until he felt the downward suck of escaping liquid.

Axel failed to realize the flushing force of the green sludge. In one final rush the bottom fell out taking him with it.

The first moment was agonizing. The last of the green fluid still retained by his lungs threatened to become deadly if he didn't retch it out as quickly as possible. Axel hunched over on the laboratory floor coughing and sputtering. His only comfort, and protection, was the green skinned Alpha copying his effort only a few meters away. He knew they were racing for who could sick up first. They finished at nearly the same rate only to lay exhausted from their efforts. Even speaking would have been a labor except for the Alpha's peculiar ability.

'I recognize you,'� the Alpha transmitted.

'What?'� No answer came and then Axel remembered that he had to start with the last word of the transmission. 'You who?'�

'You are the human agent who constantly interferes with my assignments.'�

Now Axel understood. The dunes of Mars. The moons of Saturn. The frozen surface of Pluto. Everywhere Axel searched for the witch's laboratories he had been shadowed. He knew that there was only one way this could end and it didn't matter whether or not they had been working toward the same goal. The competition could not be allowed to survive.

Now he and the Alpha began another race, this time for who would stand first. It ended in a tie. They faced off, still dripping green. On Axel it looked like a wet sheen of mucous, on the Alpha, water beads. Axel was still debating his first move when the Alpha jumped.

The alien landed within striking distance behind Axel who in turn tumbled forward and spun around. Before he could fully face the little green man stubby feet thrust toward him. Despite a lingering sluggishness Axel responded automatically. Downward forearm blocks defeated the side kicks and front kicks springing toward his legs and torso. He transitioned into outward middle blocks against the alien's roundhouse kicks. The Alpha was a windmill of leg attacks that took advantage of his greater agility and that compensated for his shorter reach.

In those first few moments Axel retreated, completely on the defensive. He quickly converted his linear movement into oblique side steps. Around the two fighters various specimens pressed against the fluidic wombs to watch the close quarter combat.

Axel soon realized that the Alpha was extremely advanced at unarmed conflict. Each attack was a lethal blow that Axel barely avoided. It took several more seconds to gain enough combative equilibrium to transition into an offensive posture.

He thrust a spear hand that navigated through the Alpha's swinging blocks. At the last impossible moment the alien stretched his torso in such a way that Axel's thrusting fingers barely scraped green flesh. Axel followed with an elbow smash the Alpha ducked back from. The little green man began a retreat that Axel followed with kicks, side, round, front, hook, axe and crescent. These the Alpha evaded until adjusting to an easier pattern of blocks and parries.

Eventually, Axel's advantage simply faded. The gradual lag of momentum evened the conflict to a back and forth attack and counterattack. Every method Axel employed failed. He launched spinning back kicks, ridge hands, raking claws, finger whips, heel sweeps, finger gouges and vertical cardiac punches. The Alpha, though clearly stymied in his own offense, thoroughly defeated Axel's every effort. Almost by unspoken agreement they both drew back.

'This is pointless,'� said the Alpha. 'The only unarmed combat we haven't employed is ground fighting and though I would most certainly dominate such a conflict I find such close contact with naked humans to be unpleasant.'�

Axel nodded in response, trying to slow his rapid breathing. 'Why are you vocalizing now?'�

'For your sake, human. You're too slow to respond to thought speech. Post-English might be inconsistent, full of colloquialisms, and extremely irregular, but even the most moronic of my people can become fluent in it.'�

'It's arrogant bastards such as you that make me wish I'd been assigned to deal with your kind.'�

'I've killed many that were. And I should've killed you on Pluto, human.'�

'For all of your bragging you greenies aren't that good at finding us.'�

'You depend too much on your stealth suits. On Pluto I detected traces of your passing and all I would've needed was one precise explosion to bring an entire ice shelf down on you.'�

'So what? We can argue about this until the witch makes her rounds to check on this facility or we can work together to make our escape.'�

'Agreed.'�

It seemed far too easy of an agreement, but Axel knew that the Alpha had calculated the same factors that he had. They had no logical choice but to work together until they either achieved escape or one of them discovered an advantage over the other.

Their initial progress through the huge underground complex was slow. The womb bulbs stretched on endlessly and the need to watch for security measures and to keep a wary eye on one another became taxing. Axel felt compelled to watch the Alpha's every movement despite the distraction of the floating curiosities.

Huge hairless multi-limbers alternated with reptilians and amphibians and numerous other combinations. The sheer intelligence he might be able to gather about the witch's operations remained wasted due to the Alpha's distraction.

'One moment, human. This may prove useful.'�

The little green man paused in front of an instrument table. It contained a workspace anchored at the four corners with brain globes. The instrumentation between these points spanned the known primary geometrical figures. A triangle appeared to be for microscopic analysis while a hexagon buzzed with electrostatic resonance. By all appearance it seemed portable as if it might be a hand weapon.

The same thought must've occurred to the Alpha. Axel's only recourse was to either flee or dive in and wrestle the device away before it could be used on him. He could do neither before the Alpha's long fingers gripped the hexagon. The electrostatic energies reached up from the device to envelope the Alpha's hand before spreading like an environmental suit over his exterior.

The Alpha's body hair, limited as it was to the green flowing topknot and the pubic bush, spiked from the electrified contact.
Despite his every effort the alien remained adhered to the device. The failure to electrocute disappointed Axel. He was just considering the possibility that the device might be a stasis trap when the unexpected happened.

The Alpha's skin exchanged one color after another until it settled on a bright magenta. Then the electrostatic field discontinued. Axel moved in to take advantage of the Alpha, but the alien recovered far more quickly than expected.

'Stay back, human!'�

It exploded within Axel's mind. The alien had never expressed such raw emotion before. The previous mental transmissions had been sterile in comparison. This one had vibrated with rage, no, horror at the color change. He never knew that Alphas were so proud of their green.
The Alpha reverted back to Post-English, 'Any expression of mirth will result in your death.'�

'You forget how evenly matched we appear to be.'�

'Despite my revulsion at grappling with you I will use my superior flexibility if need be.'�

Now it was Axel's turn for revulsion at the possibility of coming into contact with the alien's electrified pubic bush. He nodded in agreement.

They continued through the complex until Axel noticed that the womb creatures had changed. This new cluster bore distortions, lacking limbs and symmetry.

'Mutations,'� said the Alpha. 'Many of these creatures are from my home world. This is what the witch does to us and why we pursue her. Is it not likewise with you?'�

'She has kidnapped many of us from our exploration and trading vessels, but we have no confirmation of her activity on Earth.'�

'She has long made abductions from your planet.'�

'No one has that kind of longevity. It's more logical to suspect your people.'�

'You're wrong, human. Though we have visited your planet many times, we have never taken any samples.'�

'Whatever.'�

As they progressed Axel searched for anything resembling either controls for escape pods or communications. Evidence of both had been found in abandoned labs. They continued to reject anything that even remotely looked like the previous geometric instruments until one particular device caught Axel's attention.

Spherical with angular connections and multiple flowing cables it certainly looked consistent with various communication arrays that Axel had been trained how to manipulate. He briefly touched part of the device and felt no energy field nor did he activate any security measures. Axel preceded cautiously maneuvering levers and pressure points until the script on a small screen became intelligible.

He had just called up a menu of communication protocols when the script dissolved into an image of two figures, human male and female. Accompanying script noted biological comparisons and contrasts until it flashed a warning that an experiment was in progress.

Every instinct within Axel warned him to move, but he couldn't when the blue cone of light enveloped him. The effect wasn't exactly painful, though definitely disorientating when he felt his skin moving. He looked down to see his chest reforming into quite feminine breasts. Then came the excruciatingly disturbing absorption of his penis and testis only to be replaced by a vagina!

'No!'� It escaped from his mouth with the same intensity the Alpha had mind thrust after the alien's color change. Then the blue light diminished so Axel could stagger free from it.

'Not that we find any humans to be attractive, but I will say that I now have less reservations about grappling with you.'�

'Just try it and I'll make sure the last thing I do is rip out your pubic hair.'�

'Understood, human.'�

It took every last bit of discipline for Axel to continue the search and ignore her gender dilemma. After all, she had been conditioned to operate following a mutation. She kept her focus until they discovered the unmistakable escape pods. Before them a control panel awaited only the proper activation.

'What are you waiting for, human?'�

'What are you waiting for, Alf-Alpha?'�

The both stared at one another, unblinking.

'What are you afraid of, human female?'�

'What are you afraid of, magenta man?'�

They automatically assumed fighting stances.

'This isn't getting us out of here,'� said Axel.

'What do you suggest then?'�

'We could alternately choose controls and then activate them together.'�

'Since I have no better solution I agree.'�

Axel allowed the alien to choose first. The Alpha chose a large toggle that they simultaneously flicked. Nothing resulted. A series of pressure points and levers came next before a hydraulic shush responded to their efforts. The escape pods remained unchanged, but one of the wombs behind them flushed out. The disgorged occupant was huge, wet and furry. It opened a massive set of jaws. One wet gush brought the green fluid out of its lungs and it immediately came toward them.

'Do you know what that is?'� asked Axel looking for an escape route, but finding none.

'The name has no exact translation and I am unable to comprise an equivalent at the moment.'�

Much bigger than the largest bears on Earth, the beast's mouth revealed several incisor rows.

'I mean is it dangerous?'�

'Very much so for the males of species other than its own. We should have nothing to worry about considering your change and the eclipse of my genitalia by the electrostatic effect on my pubic region.'�

'Why isn't it ignoring us?'�

'While hostile to males, it is quite attracted to females.'�

Before Axel could evade it the enormous thing bounded forward and pinned her against one wall. It opened its cavernous maw again to expose one of the longest and widest tongues that Axel had ever encountered. The licking effect was quite soft and wet.

'Tongue Washer. That is the Post-English equivalent. It will stop once it washes your entire body.'�

Axel couldn't respond. She was too busy suffering confliction for simultaneously enjoying the sensation while also feeling completely freaked out. It eventually ended with a prickly skin effect from the evaporation of the bubbly saliva. She could think of nothing else to do except hesitantly pet the beast that was now nuzzling her.

They continued to manipulate more controls, inadvertently initiating the escape pod activation sequence as well as several dozen womb birthings. Axel didn't need the Alpha's knowledge about the potential danger. Many of the emerging creatures immediately began tearing into one another while several others shambled directly toward the escape pods.

Axel worked frantically to open one of the pods, but the green dripping creatures reached them first. The Tongue Washer became an instant guardian. Axel was unsure whether it did so out of protection of her or because it sensed that the attacking beasts were mostly male. She certainly couldn't determine gender with all of the intervening fur, scales and bony exoskeletons.

The pod doors began to slowly whoosh open while Axel used every unarmed combat move that she had ever learned. In the midst of it the alien leapt and flipped about even more so than she did. But without the Tongue Washer they both would have been swarmed and torn apart.

A full klaxon alerted her to the launch countdown. Axel flipped into one of the pods and the Alpha into another. She hit the emergency door release and felt a pang of regret at leaving behind the Tongue Washer that had suffered so much to defend her. Axel's last thoughts during launch were about how she might better prepare herself to defeat the Alpha when they next encountered one another, as well as about what she was going to tell her girlfriend.

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