 |
 |
 |
| |
Truant Sunrise (working)
If you be genuine and dare, when lovers prove unkind
strangers straying from unscripted lines.
Remember how stars laid sacrifice at our feet?
..learning by whisper our dark secrets beneath.
Earth, sky and sea held hand in hand surround us.
Ever now cautioning tales played out in dust
...force feeding hours until they taste honest once more
Puerile prayers bore violence,
pitiful pursuit to assuage
undulating silence reveled by devils..
when tender hearts skipped-so sweetly, coldly stripped
Knowingly leave me with no wings?
Love manifest inaccurately in your iris,
one wrist roped behind the back
the other looks of a fist but it's simply
one hand praying without its sister.
Wishes missed the mark while kisses came out darker.
So speak what you know, know what you saw
see what you felt, feel what you wanted.
If shame shrouds your face...
I'll be your disgrace, when sinking
I become salt in the sea, a covering constellation
distraction after falling on your back fractured
Love, let us slip into our happy after
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: - 2007-07-30 11:31
|
|
| I really enjoyed this poem. It made me feel very warm inside. The title says "working" but I think you hit the nail on the head the first time. Very profound, disturbing, stunning piece. |
|
|
(great title by the way)
Ok, there are too many lines that i love in this poem - may as well list the entire poem as examples! - but i think these really stand out to me:
"Remember how stars laid sacrifice at our feet?
..learning by whisper our dark secrets beneath"
"force feeding hours until they taste honest once more"
"when tender hearts skipped-so sweetly, coldly stripped"
"Wishes missed the mark while kisses came out darker"
Brilliantly descriptive - kinda rips your heart out mercilessly and sticks it back in upside down. Bruised but learned.
This is the first of your work i have read and suffice to say i'm becomming a fan already! thanks for sharing! |
|
|
| I really liked this one. Instead of just the usual way of describing what you want to convey, you take a different approach. A more creative way. "Love manifest inaccurately in your iris" is probably my favorite line. This poem made me feel an overwhelming amount of emotion...love, sorrow, anticipation, wanting...and so many more. Great job with this one. I would like to read more. |
| 1 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
