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chrispavey
Chris Pavey
Australia, Queensland, Gold Coast

Words: 413
Access: Public
Comments: 8

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A Saxon Story - Chapter One

Atuen woke to the sound of his father fumbling about in the darkness of their hovel.

“Shiten,” Ermenred cursed.

“Farder?” Atuen called. He levered himself upright, pushed away his bedding, and set his feet upon the earthen flooring.

“Abstainen, Atuen. Duu mussen waken marder,” Ermenred insisted. But Atuen ignored his father and hurried to retrieve the glimmering blade his youthful eyes had spotted not far from his bed.

Picking it up off the ground, the dagger felt heavy and cold in Atuen’s hand, and it shimmered in the moonlight peeking through the cracks in their hovel’s roof. Ermenred straightened his broad frame before his son as Atuen gazed incredulously at the weapon.

“Given de dagger to mi, Atuen.”

“Duu be maken de noise, noht mi.”

Ermenred breathed in the damp that overwhelmed the room and watched his son turn the knife about. Light bounced off the weapon and Atuen followed the glinting beams to the far wall where a spatha longsword and scale armour were balanced upright next to the egress.

“Widukind be kamen back, Atuen,” Ermenred said, following his son’s stare. “Wi be uniten with hem against Karel de Grutte.”

“Charlemagne.” Atuen looked up at his father with exuberance, but Ermenred slapped him hard across the face.

“Duu be abstainen with de Frank-speaken, Atuen,” he said, glaring down into his son’s eyes as they rapidly filled with tears. He breathed in and reached out to his boy, grasping Atuen’s shoulder tightly with thick shaking hands. “Duu be understanden, some day, Atuen,” Ermenred said. “But to bedd for de now.” He ruffled Atuen’s flaxen hair as he took the dagger away from him.

“Ermenred? Atuen?” Atuen’s mother stirred. Atuen glanced back at his mother’s bed, and then at his father, but Ermenred silenced his son with a stare and nodded the boy back to his covers.

Atuen sank into the warmth of his bed and watched his father take up the armour. Ermenred strapped it over his tunic. His father then drew a thick sheepskin cloak over the top of the armour and fixed it into place. Ermenred twirled up his matted hair into a knot to the side of his head and looked back at his wife, daughter, and then his son. He lingered for a heartbeat on Atuen. A momentary breath passed between them. Ermenred turned away from his son and gathered up his sword, and then, he was gone.

“Farder?” Atuen whispered.

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Comments  
LouiseKay Comment by: LouiseKay - 2007-10-08 09:30
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It probably helps that I'm something of a history buff, but I think I got this just fine. Father is getting ready to join a war/battle and his son wants to join - hence the hesitance in returning the dagger, since he'd like to use it himself and join his father. But Dad insists the boy is too young yet and should go back to bed like a good little boy.
The title referring to Saxons and then the reference in the story to Charlemagne helped me get a very good idea of when this happens, too. For most other readers, though, it seems a little more background and detail would be helpful to enrich the scene and explain things a little better.
Personally, I wouldn't change a thing. Not all stories are for all readers. This one seems to appeal to a niche, that's all. :)
Comment by: - 2007-08-26 02:28
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Not sure of exactly whats going on but I was drawn into the story. I enjoyed the language as it seemed foreign but we could also understand it.
leelizabeth Comment by: leelizabeth - 2007-07-10 13:56
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At first I thought the language was silly, and comedic. Then I thought of it as annoying... but once the story was finished, it actually became quite beautiful and poetic.

Well done, detailed and felt like a cartoon playing before me. I enjoyed it a LOT.
gmarco Comment by: gmarco - 2007-07-05 23:06
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Haha, so great; I loved the last line of this... now only if I could understand what they are saying better. I guess I should read on.
SkylarkAberjhani Comment by: SkylarkAberjhani - 2007-06-15 13:15
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Love the music of the dialogue and the contrast it makes with the narrative. Although the dialogue is not immediately accessible for the uninitiated (like me) there's an interplay of creative tension here that makes reading this very enjoyable. Thank you for posting it.

Skylarking Aberjhani
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