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zepol
Hector Lopez
United States, Texas, In San Antonio former New Yorker

Words: 231
Access: Public
Comments: 2

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1a - The Ghetto Lives Bicentennial (1976)

The Ghetto Lives Bicentennial 1976

summertime dusk the ghetto lives
sounds that transcend the workday beat
boom box claxoning the latest tunes
the slick and hip under the moon
a dance step by a sly child
hand shakes all around and wide brim smiles
a collaboration of five digits and a palm
of respect, no debt
all bullshit aside

a confusing ritual, the outsider would not dare,
cross the line into this fare
of smoking guns, and jive talking girls
brothers in shadow stripes, playboys, and curls
young hip cats running with hot metal tools
bags filled with ice and white colored jewels

and some drank beer in north central park
smoked a few blunts until it was dark
everyone trying to be cooler than cool
sometimes one mainlined and played the fool

and we took our debs from the stoop to the view
up on the roof laid a line or two
pumped some juice and rock and roll
played the game for some tootsie roll

to escape the life in the arms of another
kept it simple away from the others
until it was time to come down again

we playing the roles of the street
of cool and jive of the city fly,
with a nickel, a dime, or a quarter
to buy, a bag or two for a buzz and that beat,
on the stoop at 110th street

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Comments  
jesscat Comment by: jesscat - 2008-02-18 12:42
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i like it! very cool. the rhythm and wording suits it well. It took me into a world I've never known.
Which may explain why I don't know what "debs" means, but I'm pointing it out in case its a typo.
other suggestions, just little things.
"a confusing ritual, the outsider would not dare,
cross the line into this fare"
the beat feels a bit messed up here, maybe it could be fixed if you added a two-syllable word after "this" describing the fare.
and I suggest you move "to buy" back up to the line with "a quarter":
we playing the roles of the street
of cool and jive of the city fly,
with a nickel, a dime, or a quarter to buy,
a bag or two for a buzz and that beat,
on the stoop at 110th street
(and i don't think you should change the wording)

thanks
very cool
fishbowl42 Comment by: fishbowl42 - 2007-06-12 09:14
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Your theme, and rythem remind me of a modern langston hughes. Very refreshing. I liked the pace the poem kept, and it felt like there was a diliberate patern. My only sugestion is it felt like the lines wanted to be shorter ... eg
"Playing the roles
the street gives them
of coool and jive
of the city fly
1

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By zepol


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