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zepol
Hector Lopez
United States, Texas, In San Antonio former New Yorker

Words: 124
Access: Public
Comments: 5

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Wasted (REVISED) 6/7/2007

Five bottles of cheap booze
off the stool, and struggle
to get out the door, just
to get side tracked as
you look at the blond with
the long legs.

Bam!

That lamppost put a stop
to your momentum. You moan,
you lay on the sidewalk;
you puke, and fall asleep.
Sometime in the middle of
the night, dogs ate your
puke and pissed on you.

When you wake up you are so
fucked up that you don't
smell the dog piss. But you
have a knot on your forehead,
the filth, and the street to
serve as proof that you got
wasted the night before. So
you go to the package store
for another bottle so you
can start all over again.

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Comments  
blankpaper25 Comment by: blankpaper25 - 2007-08-19 18:00
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really like this one. I think I should read this before weekends begin. ha
sudipal Comment by: sudipal - 2007-06-11 13:11
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Much better. Now I can see the whole story unfolding.
zepol Comment by: zepol - 2007-06-07 15:36
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Thank you both, I will revise this on 6/7/2007. I was stuck on this but I have a couple of ideas now. I think I have to get a little personal here. I write well when I put myself into my writing and I just failed to do that. thank you
carriedale Comment by: carriedale - 2007-06-07 10:27
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something IS missing...I have to agree that it may be too short. It is a really good start though.
sudipal Comment by: sudipal - 2007-06-03 08:51
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Kind of short, don't ya think? Maybe extend it a little. I like what you have so far, but it feels like it's not enough.
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By zepol


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