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I'm sorry, I miss you
(For Grandad)
I remember (once) you raised your voice to gran
For a while (in my eyes) you were less of man
Didn't think you were the type to get angry or shout
I've come to realise that that's what life's about
I thought about it lots as time went on
Sometimes you get angry when you love someone
I'm not mad; it just knocked me for six
I sometimes think about that chair in which you used to sit
Telling stories of when you were young
How 'prices have risen'� and 'necks should be rung'�
As I grew, I saw you less
I'd make excuses, put it off
Grandad I confess
(I'm so sorry)
They said, 'it's a stroke but he's strong, he'll pull through'�
New Years Eve we came to see you
Your eyes were glazed over and you looked straight through me
I walked to the bed and I held you to me (said 'love you'�)
People gathered round you I was pushed outside
I stood in the corridor and silently cried
It was a tumour on the brain not a stroke like they'd said
Your heart was too strong so God went for your head
Afterwards they offered us a vicar or priest
To come talk about how your life had just, ceased
We declined
You were put in a box and your body was burned
Then placed by a plaque in a cheap standard urn
I never did to go to the place where they left you
So if you can hear me 'I'm sorry, I miss you'�
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This has a kind of subtle power to it, it creeps up on you. 'Your heart was too strong so God went for yor head' is amazing - the simplicity of your expression is what makes it so memorable I think.
Really great work Jack! |
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Comment by: - 2007-12-28 15:50
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The emotions expressed in this poem are intense. I was so caught up in the imagery. I can see your Grandad sitting in his old, worn chair telling his stories of youth.
I can feel your regret. You never know of the way your poem will touch someone and I feel an ache to go visit my sick Grandparents.
Your regret freed someone of thier possible future regret.
Thank you for this beautiful poem! |
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Comment by: Nora Online- 2007-12-17 17:44
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Aw. This was great. I like the parenthesized bits. I felt the same regrets for not spending as much time as I could've with my Grandma. This poem shows layers of your relationship with and your perceptions of him.
Question: should the "times" be "time's" as in "time has" in this bit?
I thought about it lots as times gone on
Anyway, I loved the poem. Thanks for sharing it. |
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wow - your writing is very confident > your opening line a perfect 'hook';
liked your bracketed asides, they clarify your most personal feelings about your grandad - I was touched by your depth of feeling. Awesome stuff. |
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You're working the rhyme pretty well, not being afraid to break it at times. It's strange about rhyme, in that it's the easiest to write, in a way, as it leads you on. But it's also the hardest form to do really well. I'd like to see you write some free verse. There you must make every word count - not one there that hasn't a definite purpose. When that's mastered, I suggest you might try the same strict discipline with rhyme. The finest rhymed poetry is done with such subtlety that you hardly notice the rhymes are there. You master that and you're a better man than I am, Jack. But the greater the challenge, the more value in the meeting of it. You've made a great start.
milner |
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