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Luxuria - Ripleym's Challenge
The executives were worried and rightly so. The reports were starting to come in daily. Woman were killing their lovers after sex, but had no recollection of the event afterwards - waking up next to the torn and bloodied corpses in a state of hysteria.
The executives knew that sooner or later a connection would be made and traced back to them, but too much money had been ploughed into the campaign. They'd be ruined. They couldn't hold back now. They certainly couldn't claim responsibility. Anyway, it was ridiculous to think that they were responsible for other people's decisions. People had a choice, didn't they? No one forced them to spend their money.
There had been those in the lab, when the tests were first carried out, who expressed concern at the results.
The hybrid used in the process is too powerful, they said. We're talking genetic manipulation, tampering with nature.
But the effect is intoxicating, said the executives.
Lab rats shouldn't tear each other apart.
They're only lab rats, it won't make humans act like that.
How do you know? That's the reason we run these tests.
Was every lab rat affected?
No, but that's not the point. We don't know what triggered the side-effects in the ones that turned violent. We need more time.
We don't have time. Too much money has been invested already. You're overreacting, all of you. The publicity is set to go and we've got to hit the public with it NOW.
* * * * * *
'I need to buy a present for my wife. It was our anniversary yesterday and I'm really in trouble. Completely forgot.'
The sales girl smiled and instantly produced a bright lilac box.
'This is our biggest seller at the moment, sir,' she said. 'Woman can't seem to get enough of it. If you need to make up this will be perfect, if you see what I mean. Just a word of advice. If you're treating her to dinner as well, give her the present afterwards. It works straight away, apparently. You'd only be wasting your money on the meal.'
The husband paid and smiled in anticipation. Not only could he make up for being forgetful, but things might improve in the bedroom too. Anything was worth a shot. Their sex life had been a barren wasteland recently. He glanced down at the present and prayed that it would work. Funny how a lack of sex makes you place your trust in the most mundane things, he thought. He couldn't help chuckling at the tagline embossed in bright gold print. Those publicity boys got better all the time'¦
Satisfy his every desire,
Induce his wildest state of euphoria,
When you float in the lingering musk of LUXURIA.
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| Many thanks, William and Bren, for your comments. This is one story that I intend to look at again and bounce the idea about a bit, as it does seem to have struck a chord. One thing with these challenges is that they're written and uploaded very quickly, which is good for me as I do tend to agonise over stories for days on end usually. |
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Hi Gareth - great idea very well told. Couple of nitpicks:
The reports were starting to come in daily - thought this was a little tentative and awkward. Why not simply: The reports were coming in daily?
I wondered about the choice to use lab rats since rats are basically regarded as disgusting carnivores (sorry, don't mean to offend any of you rat lovers or fans of Harry' Potter's Ron Weasly and his pet Scabbers), and might be expected to tear each other apart. What about rabbits, or monkeys, or sheep?
If you need to make up this will be perfect, if you see what I mean - needs a comma after up, and I'm not sure why she says "if you see what I mean."
Check punctuation scheme - sometimes you use quotation marks for dialog and sometimes you don't. I know consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds, but ...
barren wasteland seemed a bit of a cliche.
Funny how a lack of sex makes you place your trust in the most mundane things, he thought - I didn't understand this line. This is a new product supposedly meant to revolutionize sex. It doesn't seem very mundane, especially not from his perspective, I hope. LOL
Hope you find something here that's useful. As always, I enjoyed your work. Hope all's well. |
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Editing my comment after reading the other comments here...
I thought it was clear that this was a perfume. I would agree the perfume should be marketed toward women.
I love the opening - executives and murder always whet my appetite!
I also like the form you've employed - from the global (worldwide sales, executives at the top of the chain, etc.) to the specific (poor guy buying the perfume). He won't know what hit him, but we will. This is a good story, well told. It adds up to more meaning in less words - well done. Rgds YB |
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| Thanks for the comments. The man was buying perfume for his wife at the end - it was right that the advertising was being aimed at women. I did rush this piece a bit and maybe it wasn't clear. The perfume was making the women aroused so they could satisfy their lovers and then turning them violent. |
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Comment by: - 2007-06-05 09:43
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Clever.
The advertisement seems aimed at women and not men though ?
Satisfy his every desire,
Induce his wildest state of euphoria,
When you float in the lingering musk of LUXURIA.
What about ?
She will satisfy your every desire,
Induce your wildest state of euphoria,
As you float in the lingering musk of LUXURIA. |
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