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Someday soon
Could they possibly assume I haven't seen that look on a million faces?
Each guise emulsified into the next and so on and so forth.
Perhaps that I haven't heard those lines repeated again and again in my ears for all eternity...?
I know this story,
the plot has no new twist,
You get an F for originality.
For this is the tale that repeats itself unceasingly throughout time.
They adore shades and shadows of me.
In love with things,
that are never to be.
It's quite alright...
They exist without the capacity to acquire new methods of
protocol.
All the while we run in virtual circles,
driven ravenous by passion.
To the point of madness.
I keep running into people who entreat me to jump,
just so that i might fall blindly.
I understand the game, in all it's complexities
Yet know not how to proceed.
I cannot pretend it will be ok; it never is.
They are merely cowards.
Once something potent is willing to surrender,
they quickly take it back.
Someday soon someone will return the risk.
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Comment by: alien - 2007-09-15 02:39
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Once something potent is willing to surrender,
they quickly take it back.
Someday soon someone will return the risk.
Those three lines are the saving grace of this poem. I wasn't as keen on the ragged nature of this, though I can certainly appreciate that this gives form to the feeling behind them, which may also be ragged. Therefore, it's not a criticism, merely my personal taste. I found it to be a little more rambling than the other one I read of yours, which was much more carefully wrought. This one just seems like an outpouring, which, again, maybe it is and I respect that but it's not so much to my taste.
So - it's not a bad poem, it's a good poem. I just preferred the other one :)
I loved the last three lines, though. |
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| Courageous and pure work, bite their heads off and chew slowly, the monotonous and predictable bastards. Thanks for sharing. |
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| this poem is really quite astonishing, it perfectly encapsulates the feelings wich i am feeling at this moment. Thank you for putting them to words |
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| This is lovely, too. And very very true. There are so many cowards who run from things that are only scary because we've trained ourselves to think they're scary. It's weird how often people will bolt from the things that will make them happiest and how often we will gravitate towards the things that keep us down. And when someone does 'return the risk,' the rewards are SO monumental. I think the biggest struggle in any relationship is being on the same page as the other person at the same time... and when that falls into place, it's hardly a struggle at all. And all the things that seemed terrifying turn out to just be wonderful. I'm glad the last line is what it is... it gives a nice brass ring of hope to reach for, and makes it clear why anyone plays the game to begin with. In all of that did I mention that this is a great piece of work? It is. |
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The fact that you can use the word 'emulsified' in a poem about feelings and inner workings and general malaise to all those generic automatons around you, somehow makes me enjoy it all the more. I love that word--perhaps to an overused flaw.
There is a commanding sense in the voice that your poem employs--I wonder the source for all of this. It leaves me with an ambiguousness that yearns for more.
Good stuff, Jen.
Spor |
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