writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
Boonrassi
Timothy Briggs
United States, fl, ft lauderdale

Words: 588
Access: Public
Comments: 43

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




The Wonderville Stumble

Beyond the rail of Jennipher Tanning's penthouse balcony, thick rain strings blurred the trees of Central Park.

Dark strands of hair brushed her long, straight nose; one delicate shoulder supported a thick, glossy wave.

Her fingertip tapped the number of the paparazzi her agent suggested.

'I want a camera at the Gotham Bar and Grill at noon today. Can you do it?

'You gotta be kidding, Miss Tanning, of course, yes. Count on it. I'll be there and--'

Dark clouds thinned; blazing sunlight and fine rain mingled. The sparkling, warm mist set the soaring towers of Manhattan ablaze. A thousand tiny splashes dappled the surface of Jennipher's limousine.

Her face hung five stories up among the skyscrapers. The giant ad for her new movie draped across a building: Jennipher Tanning is--

LUSCIOUS.

The film premiered in seven days.

Hair tumbled in her face as she laughed. It sounded ridiculous; a calibrated machine absorbed little J.T. From Wonderville, Arizona and created a star in twenty two months.

The front tire of her car rolled through a wide puddle, brilliant in the sun.

'John, stop here, please.'

She saw the photographer standing on the sidewalk; a fitted shirt hugged his trim torso. Water darkened the thighs of his faded jeans. His camera must have been waterproof, because it looked dripping wet. The lens pointed at the ground. Only two other people walked by on the sidewalk and they ignored the limo like poison.

The puddle reflected the limousine door opening. Jennipher stepped out and her feet disappeared in the water. She knelt in the fresh, warm liquid. She ducked her head and wet one side of her hair. Just ONE side will look funnier. Jennipher giggled. She supported herself on hands and knees in the water. She couldn't stop the giggles, man. Time to work. Focus Jenn.

Jimmy Thoms snatched a pair of panties from her backpack in ninth grade and ran down the hallway shouting and spinning them over his head and he showed everyone in the world those white panties with the tiny rose right THERE. Go.

She looked at the camera.

The photographer laughed, 'That's hysterical.' The camera whirred and clicked, over and over.

Jennipher rose to her feet, dripping, and projected terror.

She kept the look on her face, turned her weak side toward the camera.

"Oh my God, you look pitiful." The shutter clicked nonstop. 'All right, I got it. You're fierce, man.'

Jennipher stood in the light rain. A band of skin flashed above her soaked, white, dirty, skinny pants. The faded peach tank top clung to her breasts.

'Jesus. You look like-- Athena. You look like you throw lightning bolts.'

Her eyes met his. 'That's-- That's a really good line.'

'It's no line. I can't believe I said it. Your smoky eyes, all that black hair. It just slipped out. You look like you hunt with a bow.'

Jennipher's eyes widened. 'Thank you, I'm speechless.'

'And I can't shut up. I've never said anything like that in my life. Never thought it even. You are stunning.'

A tingle fluttered through Jennipher's chest. 'That's sweet, but I want BAD pictures, awful pictures.'

'It won't be easy.' He smiled. 'I'll deliver what you want though. Pictures of you stumbling in a puddle.'

'Cool. Tell me your name, and--'

The headline TANGLE FOOT TANNING: WET AND DIRTY sold forty million copies and LUSCIOUS opened HUGE.

Want to comment on this Flash Fiction?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Flash Fiction and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]
Comments  
WLC Comment by: WLC - 2008-04-17 09:18
Add to Readers
      
Made me want to run out and pick up a People magazine. The manipulations are so blantant under the spotlight (but at least she didn't have a clothing malfunction). The bottom dollar baby!

Also made me want to read the sequel.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
lancslass Comment by: lancslass Online- 2008-03-25 16:59
Add to Readers
      
//Ha, ha, a thoroughly entertaining read. No doubt closer to the truth than we care to know.

//I hate her name spelled that way. My friend Jennifer had a fit if we misspelled her name. I can see why now. lol

//'because it looked dripping wet.' This bit bothers and bugs me. Wouldn’t it ‘be’ dripping rather than 'looking' dripping? Dripping like a sponge -or something?

I'm not wild about a 'tingle fluttered' tingles don't flutter do they?

I particularly like water making dark patches on his jeans, very visual, and, that she looks like she could hunt with a bow, a really strong image.

I love ‘A thousand tiny splashes dappled the surface of Jennipher's limousine.’

Very tight, vivid and enjoyable, Tim. Thanks!

Now I’m off to see what everyone else thinks…
Dakota Comment by: Dakota - 2008-03-25 03:17
Add to Readers
      
First off - great read. There are some interesting turns of phrase -
'thick rain strings blurred the trees.'
It's obvious you can write and that you have some voice (judging by all the folks reading your stuff). What's really great is that you have all these people suggesting things and nit picking - which is what we all crave, well I know I do!

I like the way you mix poetic discription with events - I like that you do it cinematically. You paint vivid pictures and pan around widly setting the scene. I like the unusual angles too.

So
My only disappointment was that it ended in a flash.
Other than that most of your friends seem to have covered everything.
junenandy Comment by: junenandy - 2008-03-21 10:28
Add to Readers
      
Too many Js here. Jennipher, Jimmy, John and include me in. :) Sounds sibling like.

Apart from this, the rest was excellent.I'm loving deciphering Jennipher.
krademacher Comment by: krademacher Online- 2008-03-08 15:18
Add to Readers
      
These pictures can't look posed or I'm sunk!

This was an enjoyable and very jaded read. I often do wonder what level of collusion goes on between the stars and paparazzi.

okay, crits:

I'm not sure I'd believe this much dialog would happen between star and camera vulture - unless they've known each other before.

"You look like-- Athena. You look like you throw lightning bolts." [consider dropping the second "you look" and sticking a semicolon in there]

"Oh my God, you look pitiful." [this appears to be the only spot where dialog is in double quotes. Everything else is in single quotes '. Pick one. Run with it.]

In all, this was excellent Tim. Keep it coming.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Next

Sponsored Ads


Added to Library of:

By Boonrassi

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S