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strong.. i like it.
Swirling in (the) somber void,
/its not needed.
i urge you to hit 'protrude' with thesaurus.com
did you just write it? or did you chose it from a lot of synonyms?
have you looked at synonyms at all?
its a powerful use of 24 words.
nice work.
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Comment by: Cherley - 2007-07-18 19:06
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| This is powerful and in such a few words. Emotions and intelligence are hidden but so important. Even though the can't be seen with the eye, outright, they can certainly be seen in a person. |
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very short piece, I like how you haven't wasted any words.
Each time I read this I took it a different way, interpreted a new meaning.
Interesting exploration of two emotions that some would say are not interchangable. |
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Comment by: solaris - 2007-06-27 01:10
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do you know, Ada, i think that might be what hit me yesterday! i tried to come up with other words, and would have opted for a comma and promethean, lol - but in my virus-raddled state i didn't consciously notice the misspell! and you are correct LOL - it obviously registered someplace and said 'oi! missus - this is not right'. damn, best go back over the editing i was doing yesterday and look for more blunders on my part. sorry, Chana :D
Chana? now it is correct, it doesn't jar me at all and i agree 100% with your word-choice. |
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Aaw Jan - were you referring to the spelling? I loved 'protrude' - it does jar, but that gives the sense of an intelligence and emotion that don't always sit comfortably -thought it was really clever.
Great read, Chana - thanks XX |
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