Myopic
I am inviting readers of sci fi to take a look at my newest short story, Myopic...As gas prices rise and global warming threatens, a suspense author must take action before aliens rid the universe of a very, toxic Earth...
Please go to this link...
http://www.silverthought.com/starta04.html
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Comment by: smmoore - 2007-06-22 17:49
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I read Myopia and thoroughly enjoyed it, but then, as they say, you're preaching to the choir in the sense that I have always been an environmentalist. I got my start in California and my favorite charity is the Nature Conservancy.
That said, I do have some comments to make. First, I love the Wilfred Diamond character. I identify with him. Alas, I also identify with the girl friend. Before you read something strange into that, let me rush to say that what I mean is that the yen and yang of rational thought and irrational emotion is very much a part of me. As a scientist, you work your butt off, and you can only do so if you are really passionate about what you do.
If you haven't already, send this off to one of the scifi magazines. Before you do, though, let me recommend some improvements -- completely subjective, mind you, but they would help me as a reader.
I use the stylistic convention of putting characters' thoughts in italics and direct speech in standard quotes. You seem to mix the two. For me that was confusing.
There are also some strange turns of phrase that I found disconcerting. For example, how does a gate stand its ground with confidence? You carry this personification of the gate further, but it seemed a little weird to me. Sorry, maybe just me.
Also, I'm not sure that the Purifiers eating all the vegetation would immediately turn the Earth into a black and desolate wasteland. You are careful about laying out the times (so many days to go), so that and a few other things in your time sequencing bothered me.
Finally, I'm fairly certain that making a few hundred (thousand, ten thousand?) hydrogen cars will not solve global warming or pollution. It's a very complex thing and we need to attack it on many fronts. Of course, every little bit helps....
Anyway, good yarn, it gave me some entertainment this Friday night -- and, oh yes, if I wasn't already in tune with ideas about fighting pollution, I would be thinking about them now. |
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