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The Autumning
A cloud streaked sky of azure blue
Canopies the dampened ground
Where Autumnal leaves of every hue
Are windswept piles the children found
And kicked about the garden's green,
Then left them strewn, once more to pile
In the swirling wind, with hands unseen,
Who touched the Summer-end's heart awhile
The muddied earth too damp to sow
Lies fallow, 'till the table falls
Enough to end damp-rot and grow
Fresh crops, to fill the market stalls.
There's morning mists and whitened ground
To tempt you out to breathe the air
Of morning - there's none cleaner found!
And see dew-clad cobwebs hanging there.
Blackberries and hips adorn the hedge
With late honeysuckle fading slow,
Nettles and dock on wayside edge
Are all preparing for the snow.
A bird strikes up! I hear his song.....
As if upon some coppice gate of yore,
It sings of Summers passed and gone...
To come again no more.
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| Beautiful imagery! I agree with Tom on the punctuation, but a most beautiful piece regardless. |
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Comment by: LucyB - 2006-01-24 09:54
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| Thanks Tom, I like the word autumning, I did make it up, that's what I like to think of as poetic license. You're right sworling should read swirling, like when the wind makes circular eddies and the leaves seem to circle an inch off the ground and then fall still and crisp to the ground again. I have used a little more punctuation, and agree with what you say. On my original, the exclaimation mark is where you suggest, so I have replaced it. Full stop also added as you suggested. many thanks for reading and commenting. |
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Comment by: Tom - 2006-01-24 08:07
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I don't know if "Autumning" is a real word - but it should be! I'll presume you invented it :) Good. heheh. Right, business:
I thought the imagery you used here was magical - it painted a marvellous picture of an autumn morning! I don't quite know about the last line though...why won't summer come again! :(
Unless you are talking about "good times" in the summers, it just seems very foreboding, which I suppose is what autumn is all about!
I particularly admired "Where Autumnal leaves of every hue" and "As if upon some coppice gate of yore"
I always like to make improvements so:
"sworling" sounds good...but I don't think it's a word?!?!
I reckon use a bit more punctuation - a few lines really stuck out as needing it:
"Are all preparing for the snow
A bird strikes up!"
*Full stop after snow?*
"To tempt you out to breathe the air
Of morning! - there's none cleaner found"
*I reckon exclamation after found rather than morning here*
A great picture of autumn in the country! Will check out your other pieces in due course :)
tom |
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