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laffarsmith
Rebecca Laffar-Smith
Australia, Western Australia, Armadale

Words: 143
Access: Public
Comments: 1

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Harvesting Shadows

Beneath a burnished bronze, midnight moon
the darkness lies in wait beside the stars
and ivory horses gallop through the dunes.
Amidst the fumes of gas-doused cars
the cityscapes rise into the sky.

A bitter past is cast in golden clouds;
their linings blackened, tar smeared, filth,
stolen wealth, seared by scars, by burdened faith,
adrift upon the ebony landscape,
ensnared within the branches and the leaves.

Nets of spider-silk spiral out upon the wind
and capture in their sticky, silver threads
the void in which the darkness comes to hide,
where naught but ragged shadows now reside,
and twine them tight together, while torn apart.

Death's scythe, born on the barren breeze,
wends amongst the stars, amongst the dreams.
It wields a deadly, searing, flesh-ripped breath
upon the shadow's dark and tortured cleft
until the light, once bound, soars skyward.

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Comments  
TirzahLaughs Comment by: TirzahLaughs - 2007-12-19 16:40
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A love poem, full of ripe visual imagery. A good read. I am going to list a few nit picking things...that you might want to look at but they are all opinion things...lol.

I love the words burnished and bronze together...they just sound crisp and shiny. I have never thought of a moon as bronze though...that might give you a few issues.

Instead of 'and' ivory horses...I'd consider "while" makes it a bit stronger. I think you could removed the , after smeared...because it works as 'tar smeared filth'. I don't think you need the pause.

A really solid read, R. Good imagery!

Tirzah
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By laffarsmith

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