SCENE 1 Field
[PEASANTS work in field-SOAD Zelda Theme plays- PEASANTS look up confused-Enter KELRING]
KELRING. Greetings to you my good people!
[PEASANTS grumble in response]
KELRING. I have need of assistance.
ARTHUR. So do we, but ye don't see us complaining about it.
KELRING. Oh, well I'm sorry to hear that. May I ask why you need assistance?
ARTHUR. Because we're bloody peasants! We slave all day to make barely enough to feed ourselves and then we must pay the king's ridiculous taxes!
EDWARD. Actually, the taxes aren't all that bad.
ELIZABETH. Yes, I've heard France's tax is appalling compared to ours.
[PEASANTS mutter in consent nodding]
ARTHUR. Well, we're still oppressed.
ELIZABETH. No, that's not true either.
ARTHUR. But, we're supposed to be oppressed! We should be starving and miserable!
EDWARD. [Walks over to KELRING] Oh don't mind him. Arthur is always trying to convince everyone that we live a horrible life. Now, what did you need assistance with?
KELRING. Oh, um yes, well, I-I need to know the way to the castle.
ELIZABETH. Why do you wish to go there?
KELRING. I am going to become [Claps-puts hands on waist] a knight!
ELIZABETH. Oh now that sounds like a splendid plan.
EDWARD. Yes, best of luck with that.
ELIZABETH. Now, the castle isn't very hard to find. All you do is go up the lane a bit and then turn left into the village. Just walk through there and you'll see the castle.
KELRING. Thank you my good people! Farewell!
[SCENE freezes]
[Enter SCENE CHANGE FAIRY-grabs hoe]
[Blackout]
SCENE 2 Town
[KELRING stands in street-looks around confused]
KELRING. I was sure they said I'd be able to see the castle from the village. Did I follow the directions right? [Pondering look]
[From offstage ELIZABETH's voice is heard]
ELIZABETH. All you do is go up the lane a bit and then turn left into the village. Just walk through there and you'll see the castle.
KELRING. Well I did that. I've traipsed all over this village. [Looks around] Oh no. I'm lost! I'm helplessly lost in a strange place, where I shall starve and die a-
[SQUIRE walks over-taps KELRING on shoulder interrupting him]
SQUIRE. Sir?
KELRING. Do you mind? I'm ranting here. Ahem. A horrible slow and agonizing death. Oh woe to the fallen hero, defeated before his destiny fulfilled. Struck down in his-
SQUIRE. Sir! I believe I may be able to help, if I only knew of your plight.
KELRING. Oh. Well, I was on my way to the castle. You see I'm going to become [Claps-puts hands on waist] a knight!
SQUIRE. Oh, that sounds like a good goal. So why will you die here then?
KELRING. Because, I was told I'd be able to see the castle from the village, and I can't!
SQUIRE. Well, that's because you're in the town.
KELRING. What?
SQUIRE. You're in the town. The village is up a bit further on the lane.
KELRING. Oh. Well, thank you good man! I shall go to the village then! [Starts to leave]
SQUIRE. I'll come with you!
KELRING. Come with me? But, why?
SQUIRE. Well because. I'm a squire. Knight's need a squire. It's a knight thing.
KELRING. Hm, good point. Okay young squire, you shall accompany me!
SQUIRE. I know. I told you that. Now come on. [Starts to exit]
KELRING. I-but. [Shakes head follows]
[SCENE freezes
[Enter SCENE CHANGE FAIRY-Begins moving set]
[Blackout]
SCENE 3 Castle Gates
[TOLNEY stands at gates, stopping imaginary people]
TOLNEY. Halt! Who goes there! Halt, who goes there? Halt! Who goes! Halt. Who goes there!
[DRANCY enters-walks over to gate-watches TOLNEY-TOLNEY does not notice him]
DRANCY. Hi. What are you doing?
TOLNEY. [Jumps, startled] Gah! Eh, I mean, halt! Who goes there?
DRANCY. Oh that was good. But try it again, a bit slower.
TOLNEY. Halt, who goes there?
DRANCY. Better, but don't loose the volume and intensity.
TOLNEY. Halt! Who goes-wait! Who are you? What is your business here?
DRANCY. I'm just a simple villager. And I suppose you would be a guard?
TOLNEY. Yes, I am.
DRANCY. Then you're just the type of person I was looking for.
TOLNEY. Really?
DRANCY. Why yes, you see there's been a great error.
TOLNEY. What is it?
DRANCY. The queen.
TOLNEY. The queen? Has she been threatened? Kidnapped? Murder-
[SCENE CHANGE FAIRY ENTERS]
TOLNEY. Um, you're early.
DRANCY. Yeah, we still have lines!
[SCENE CHANGE FAIRY grabs gate-starts to pull it away]
TOLNEY. No! We're not done with that!
DRANCY. Yeah, get out of here! We have to finish the scene.
[SCENE CHANGE FAIRY looks offended-walks off in a huff]
TOLNEY. Finally. Now where were we? Oh, yes I remember! Murdered?
DRANCY. No, not yet. But if someone doesn't find her soon, it may happen!
TOLNEY. Where is she?
DRANCY. She's in the village, unescorted. Go quickly!
TOLNEY. I shall! Thank you for informing me! [Exits]
DRANCY. [Steps in front of gate-takes TOLNEY's spot] And I shall be the guard here. [Marches before gate]
[SCENE freezes]
[Enter SCENE CHANGE FAIRY-glares-DRANCY nods-Grabs gate]
[Blackout]
SCENE 4 Village
SQUIRE. Here we are Sir Kelring. The village.
KELRING. Finally! And look there. [Points] It's the castle.
SQUIRE. Yes, so you are closer to achieving your dream.
KELRING. Yes, soon I shall speak with the king and then I shall become [Claps-puts hands on waist] a knight!
FRIAR MINSTREL. A knight you said?
KELRING. Yes, a knight.
FRIAR MINSTREL. Oh, then I shall accompany you!
KELRING. But I already have a squire.
FRIAR MINSTREL. But do you have a friar?
KELRING. Well, no but-
FRIAR MINSTREL. And do you have a minstrel?
KELRING. No.
FRIAR MINSTREL. Then I shall accompany you and you will have both.
KELRING. Do I really need either of those?
SQUIRE. Technically no.
KELRING. Okay. Then sir Minstrel-Friar guy, I decline your offer.
FRIAR MINSTREL. I wasn't offering. Now onward to the castle!
KELRING. Why me?
[SCENE freezes-After a few moments KELRING moves a bit]
KELRING. Where's the fairy?
SQUIRE. I don't know, but I'm starting to get uncomfortable like this.
FRIAR MINSTREL. Yeah, same here.
KELRING. Fairy! Hurry up we need the scene changed!
[SCENE CHANGE FAIRY enters hastily-adjusts wings]
SQUIRE. Finally.
[SCENE CHANGE FAIRY grabs set piece]
[Blackout]
SCENE 5 Castle Gates
[DRANCY is still in front of the gates-KELRING, SQUIRE and FRIAR MINSTREL runs in]
KELRING. Ah, the castle! I have finally reached it!
FRIAR MINSTREL. Yes, you have! I believe this calls for an epic ballad! [Music starts]
KELRING. No! No song. Why are you following me anyway?
SQUIRE. Because he said he would.
KELRING. [Sighs, shakes head-looks up spots DRANCY-goes to him] You there! Sir guard!
DRANCY. Yes?
KELRING. I wish to gain admittance to the castle.
DRANCY. And why do you wish to gain admittance?
KELRING. I am going to become [claps-puts hands on waist] a knight! And to do so I must speak with the king.
DRANCY. Ah well that's a good reason for needing admittance.
KELRING. Yes. So will you stand aside and let me through?
DRANCY. I'm sorry but I can't do that.
KELRING. But why not?
SQUIRE. Yes, why not?
DRANCY. Well, because if I just let people waltz right in, the king would have been assassinated by now.
KELRING. That's a good point. All right Sir Guard, how can I convince you I am sincere in my goal?
DRANCY. You must complete a task.
KELRING. Done! Just tell me the task.
DRANCY. Okay. What you must do is go to the Enchanted Well. There you will find the Lady of the Well. You must obtain the sacred relic!
KELRING. I shall retrieve the sacred relic! [Starts to leave-pauses] Um, exactly where is this Enchanted Well?
DRANCY. Take a left at the bakers and continue down the lane to the field. Go left from the mud pit and you'll come across it.
KELRING. Thank you! I will return with the relic in hand!
[SCENE freezes
[Enter SCENE CHANGE FAIRY-Grabs gate]
[BLACKOUT]
SCENE 6 Enchanted Well
[LADY OF THE WELL sits on Enchanted Well brushing her hair and humming-Enter KELRING-LADY sees KELRING-Holds up hand to stall any speech-Finishes humming her song]
KELRING. [Approaches] Um. Greetings. Is this the Enchanted Well, oh beautiful Enchanted Lady?
FRIAR MINSTREL. Careful my son that you do not give in to lust's temptation.
KELRING. Why are you here?
FRIAR MINSTREL. Because you are, and I follow where you go.
KELRING. Why? Why must you torment me?
SQUIRE. [Cuts of any further argument] Greetings my lady. This is Sir Kelring, soon to be a great knight, but first he must complete his quest.
KELRING. I could have told her that.
SQUIRE. Yes, but I thought I'd help, and save you time.
KELRING. Ah, well, thank you then.
LADY. Yes, you have discovered the Enchanted Well. I am the Lady of the Well, and I bid you welcome.
FRIAR MINSTREL. Oh beautiful Lady of the Well, I shall compose a song of your beauty and grace!
KELRING. No, you won't. Go away.
LADY. [Stares confused] Ah, yes. What did you want, Sir Kelring?
KELRING. I require the sacred relic!
LADY. What is your purpose for needing this relic?
SQUIRE. I told you, he is soon to be a great-
KELRING. [Cuts him off] I can answer this one Squire. I am going to become [Claps-puts hands on waist] a knight!
LADY. Your Squire already said that. But why do you need the sacred relic to become a knight?
KELRING. It's a quest.
LADY. Ah, well that's a good reason. But I am afraid I cannot simply hand the relic to you.
KELRING. Then how do I get it?
LADY. Only the brave may reach it, and only the strong may return. It is at the bottom of the well!
KELRING. [Looks at well] But, there is no bucket.
LADY. You must dive into the well, and then climb back out, with the relic.
KELRING. [Nods] Well, it sounds daunting. But, I shall do it! [Steps onto well preparing to jump-looks into well] Oh you've got to be kidding. [Steps into well, upper half sticking out-bends down-picks up old goblet-steps out]
LADY. You have done it! You have succeeded where many a man has failed!
SQUIRE. You are truly amazing Sir Kelring!
FRIAR MINSTREL. I shall sing of your-
KELRING. [Turns to FRIAR MINSTREL] No! [Back to LADY] Men have failed that? How?
LADY. It is a very deep well.
KELRING. No it isn't.
LADY. Then you are a very tall person.
KELRING. No, it's just not a deep well. It's hardly a well at all. How do you even get water from it?
LADY. We fill it of course. How else?
KELRING. Then what's the point of it?
LADY. How else do you expect us to have water?
KELRING. But- [Shakes head] Forget it. I thank you for the [looks at relic] Sacred Relic. And now I must go. Farewell Lady of the Well!
LADY. Farewell good sir! [Sits on well-brushes hair and begins humming]
[All but LADY freeze-Enter SCENE CHANGE FAIRY]
[FAIRY stands by well-glares at LADY-Taps foot impatiently]
LADY. Hm? Oh fine. [Freezes]
[SCENE CHANGE FAIRY grabs well]
[Blackout]
SCENE 7 Outside MORELY'S Home
[OLD LADY hobbles down the street]
OLD LADY. Oh I can hardly wait to see Frederick. I haven't seen him in twenty-seven years!
[OLD LADY reaches MORELY'S door-Door swings open-Hits OLD LADY]
MORELY. I feel as though I could conquer the world! [Walks forward-pauses] Wait, what was I going to do? [Turns walks back in]
OLD LADY. [Gets up] I'm okay-
[Door opens-Hits OLD LADY again]
MORELY. [Walks out] Milk! [Pauses] No, wait, Caroline picked up milk yesterday. Damn. [Walks back in]
OLD LADY. [Gets up] I'm still alive-
[Door opens again-Hits OLD LADY]
MORELY. Work! I must go to work! [Stops] Where do I work again? [Turns-goes back in] Damn!
[KELRING enters-Spots OLD LADY-Rushes over]
KELRING. Good Lord, Milady are you okay?
[Door opens-Hits KELRING-KELRING falls onto OLD LADY]
MORELY. The castle!
[SCENE Freezes]
[Enter SCENE CHANGE FAIRY-Grabs KELRING-Starts to drag him away]
KELRING. [STANDS] Whoa, hey, what are you doing? Do I look like a set piece to you? [Brushes self off-exits] The nerve of some people!
[SCENE CHANGE FAIRY glares after KELRING]
[Blackout]
SCENE 8 Castle Gates
[DRANCY holds hand out carefully painting his nails-KELRING runs in, panting and rubbing his head.]
KELRING. Sir guard!
DRANCY. [Startled] I didn't steal this! It's my sisters! It's not what you think it is?
KELRING. Sir guard I have completed your task.
FRIAR MINSTREL. And I have composed a song for it. Would you like to hear?
DRANCY. Oh I would!
FRIAR MINSTREL. Very well. Ahem. [Sings] Oh the brave and bold Sir-
KELRING. Enough! No singing. Now. I have completed your task, Sir guard.
DRANCY. Oh, eh very good. You are closer to your dream.
KELRING. So I can see the king now?
DRANCY. Well'¦no.
KELRING. What? But, I've completed the task!
DRANCY. That you did. But you must complete another task.
SQUIRE. Ah, that makes perfect sense.
KELRING. What? How?
SQUIRE. Well, with this second task you can further prove yourself worthy of becoming a knight.
DRANCY. Exactly!
KELRING. So if I complete this second task, I may see the king.
DRANCY. Maybe.
KELRING. Maybe! What do you mean, maybe!
DRANCY. I mean, maybe you'll be able to see the king. There may very well be another task after this one.
KELRING. Don't you know how many tasks there are?
DRANCY. It changes. Don't worry they won't exceed a hundred.
KELRING. A hundred tasks!
SQUIRE. You'd prove yourself to be the most worthy of all men to become a knight.
KELRING. Still though, a hundred tasks? You must be mad sir Guard.
DRANCY. No, I'm quite happy at the moment. Now about your next task.
KELRING. Look, how is it decided how many tasks there shall be?
DRANCY. There are several factors. They're all very confidential, but I assure you, they are very good reasons.
KELRING. [Sighs and nods] Well, I suppose I'll just have to accept that. So tell me Sir guard, what is my next task?
DRANCY. There is a cat in a tree.
KELRING. I must rescue this cat?
DRANCY. No.
KELRING. Then what must I do?
DRANCY. You must go to this tree. You'll find it in the woods. Take the left fork, at the large boulder. You should come across the tree shortly. If you reach a tree that splits two ways, you've gone too far.
KELRING. [Starts to leave] Thank you Sir guard! I shall find this tree! [Exits-Returns] Wait. What shall I do at this tree?
DRANCY. You must solve the cat's riddle.
KELRING. There is a riddle about the cat?
DRANCY. No the cat shall tell you a riddle.
KELRING. But cats can't speak.
DRANCY. They can meow.
Squire. And purr.
DRANCY. Ah, yes, good point. And they can hiss as well.
SQUIRE. Very true.
KELRING. So, it will meow, purr or, hiss a riddle?
DRANCY. No, it will tell you a riddle. You wouldn't be able to understand meowing.
SQUIRE. Or purring.
DRANCY. Or purring. Or hissing.
SQUIRE. Right or hissing.
KELRING. But how will it tell the riddle, if cats can't speak, only meow.
DRANCY. Just go. The cat will tell the riddle and you must solve it. Go quickly, before the cat decides to climb down.
KELRING. [Nods] I shall complete this task quickly! Thank you Sir guard!
[SCENE freezes]
[Enter SCENE CHANGE FAIRY-Grabs gate]
[Blackout]
SCENE 9 Forest
[CAITHE sits in tree. KELRING, SQUIRE, and FRIAR MINSTREL enters]
KELRING. Let's see, I'm sure this is the right path'¦ [to CAITHE] You there! Miss! Have you seen a cat in a tree?
CAITHE. [Rolls over to face KELRING] Caithe'¦It's Caithe! Not Cat!
KELRING. You are the cat in the tree?
CAITHE. No, I'm Caithe in a tree. I am not a cat. Now what did you want?
KELRING. I am going to become [Claps-puts hands on waist] a knight!
CAITHE. What does finding a cat in a tree have to do with becoming a knight?
KELRING. I need to find the cat in a tree so I can solve its riddle.
CAITHE. Oh. You're at the right tree.
KELRING. But you're not a cat.
CAITHE. I know.
KELRING. Then how is this the right tree?
CAITHE. [Sighs] Look, it's all an issue of pronunciation. I am Caithe, which people pronounce cat. Which I am not.
FRIAR MINSTREL. Oh what a terrible plight. I shall compose a tragic ballad of your great suffering.
CAITHE. Oh really? I'm so honored!
FRIAR MINSTREL. Well, I'm glad someone [Glares at KELRING] appreciates my talents.
KELRING. So I must solve your riddle?
CAITHE. Yes. Are you prepared?
KELRING. I believe so. Riddle me.
CAITHE. Ahem.
The start of first is where I begin
My second is found at the middle of sin
My third and fourth, my final part
Are the sound you make when you wish silence to start.
What am I?
KELRING. Hm. The start of first'¦well, that's an F. The middle of sin is I'¦A sound for silence'¦Silence, silence'¦shh.
SQUIRE. It's fi-
KELRING. Silence! I will solve this riddle myself. F. I. Shh. F-i-shh. Fish. Fish! The answer is fish!
CAITHE. [Sits up-looks around] Fish? Where?
KELRING. There is no fish.
CAITHE. Then why did you speak of fish if you do not have fish?
KELRING. Because it was the answer to your riddle.
CAITHE. But, I want fish'¦
KELRING. I do not have any fish.
CAITHE. Fishy'¦
SQUIRE. We could always go and retrieve a fish.
KELRING. No, there's no time for that. We must return to the castle.
CAITHE. Please get me a fish?
KELRING. There is no fish. I am sorry. And now I must go! Farewell Cat! [Exits]
CAITHE. It's Caithe!
[SCENE freezes]
[Enter SCENE CHANGE FAIRY-Starts shoving Tree]
[Blackout]
SCENE 10 Castle Gates
[DRANCY stands at gate-KELRING enters]
KELRING. I have solved the riddle!
DRANCY. What was the solution?
KELRING. Fish!
DRANCY. Really? Huh, never would have guessed that.
SQUIRE. It wasn't that hard.
KELRING. Be quiet, it was obviously a challenging riddle that only a knight's shrewd intellect could ever hope to solve!
FRIAR MINSTREL. Or anyone who can spell.
DRANCY. Well, let's worry about the difficulty of the task later. Congratulations on solving that most-
SQUIRE. Simple.
DRANCY. Difficult riddle.
KELRING. So may I see the king now?
DRANCY. Well, sadly you must complete another task.
KELRING. Another? Fine, tell me what it is so I may complete it quickly.
DRANCY. All right. What you must do is go to the lake. In the center you will see a boat- [Stops]
[DELANNE and MORELY enter]
DELANNE. [Sees DRANCY] Drancy! What are you doing here?
KELRING. What do you mean, what is he doing here? Is he not a guard?
MORELY. Drancy, a guard? Ha, no.
DELANNE. He is our town fool.
KELRING. So I have been doing these tasks for nothing!
MORELY. Yes.
DELANNE. Sadly yes, you have been fooled by our fool.
KELRING. I feel so, deceived.
SQUIRE. It's alright Sir Kelring. You've still proven your skill and talent that will aid you as a knight!
KELRING. Oh big deal! I just spent the majority of this play being tricked by the town idiot. If he's the idiot, what does that make me? [Sits on ground]
SQUIRE. Oh, come on Kelring, don't get so down! So you've been tricked, big deal, you'll get over it!
FRIAR MINSTREL. Yes, and you've given me great inspiration to write a dozen ballads of your adventures! I shall sing them all for you, to raise your spirits. [Takes deep breath-Sings] Oh the brave and bold Sir Kel-
KELRING. No! No singing, I'm cheered up. [Stands] Ha, why, those quests may have been given by a fool, but I have defeated all of them!
SQUIRE. Not very hard considering there were two.
KELRING. Must you lessen my accomplishments?
SQUIRE. Sorry Sir Kelring.
KELRING. You're forgiven. Now come, let us finish the show so that I may finally become [claps-puts hands on waist] a knight!
MORELY. Finally.
DELANNE. Yeah, next time keep your whining offstage.
KELRING. Um, sorry?
DRANCY. On with the show.
[DELANNE and MORELY walk over to DRANCY]
DELANNE. You cad! [Moves to splash DRANCY-MORELY grabs and takes drink]
MORELY. Despicable.
DELANNE. [Dirty look at MORELY-back to DRANCY] You deceitful knave! [Moves to splash DRANCY again-MORELY grabs and takes another drink]
MORELY. Deplorable.
DELANNE. [Dirty look at MORELY-back to DRANCY] You utterly ungallant fool! [Moves to splash DRANCY-nothing happens-flips flask and shakes it]
MORELY. Absolutely unacceptable.
DELANNE. You incompetent addle-pate! [Throws flask at MORELY]
MORELY. Ow! What was that for?
DELANNE. You ruined my moment!
MORELY. You were going to waste good wine!
DELANNE. But it would have gotten the point across so much better.
MORELY. Your point came across fine.
DELANNE. It could have been better. [Looks, sees DRANCY exiting] Stay right there, you-you rotten orange!
MORELY. Rotten orange? You really need work on your insults Delanne.
DELANNE. It's a perfectly brilliant insult! Now, go after him Morley.
MORELY. I chased him last time. It's your turn.
DELANNE. I chased him the three times before that!
MORELY. We both chased him that one time.
DELANNE. I chased him, you ran straight for the tavern!
MORELY. I thought he might be heading off for a quick drink after all that running.
DELANNE. Oh yes, that's a perfectly logical reason. You know, especially since Drancy's banned from every tavern in the area!
MORELY. Well he might have snuck in.
DELANNE. You sir, are an idiot.
MORELY. What, it could happen!
DELANNE. [Sarcastically] Yes, I'm sure. Now go find him.
MORELY. No.
DELANNE. Yes.
MORELY. No.
DELANE. Yes!
MORELY. Why?
DELANNE. Because I'm telling you to!
MORELY. And I should listen to you why?
DELANNE. Simple. I have been a knight longer than you, and therefore, I rank higher than you.
MORELY. You've been a knight only a week longer than I, if that!
DELANNE. Exactly! And so I am superior to you.
MORELY. You're a pignut if nothing else.
DELANNE. And you're a idle-headed minnow!
MORELY. Then you would be a fly-bitten wagtail.
DELANNE. Plume-plucked foot-licker!
MORELY. Crook-pated giglet!
DELANNE. Rank bat-fowling barnacle!
MORELY. Reeky pox-marked rough-hewn pigeon-egg!
DELANNE. Thou art an artless doghearted onion-eyed rude growing measle!
MORELY. And thou art a cockered beetle-headed, common-kissing, swag-bellied weather-bitten whoreson codpiece!
DELANNE. Oh now you have gone too far! [Slaps MORELY with glove] I challenge you to a duel!
MORELY. Well sir! [Goes to pull off glove-doesn't have one] May I please see your glove for a moment?
DELANNE. Oh yes certainly. [Hands glove to MORELY]
MORELY. Thank you. [Slaps DELANNE with glove] I accept your challenge! [Hands glove back] Here you go.
DELANNE. Good. We shall duel on the morrow! [Takes glove] Thank you.
MORELY. I'm a bit busy tomorrow, could we reschedule?
DELANNE. Well the rest of the week is rather full for me'¦
MORELY. And the following week is completely booked for me.
DELANNE. Well'¦I suppose we could have our duel right now.
MORELY. Perfect! [Jumps back, pulls out sword] En guarde!
DELANNE. As should you be! [Pulls out sword as well-Stumbles, falls] Oh, drat, could I try that again?
MORELY. Of course.
DELANNE. Thank you. [Stands-brushes self off-replaces sword] Ahem. [Brandishes sword] As should you be!
MORELY. That was much better.
DELANNE. Oh thank you, I thought it was. And now, en guarde!
[The two begin to duel-DELANNE knocks away MORELY's sword-DELANNE goes to attack-trips-drops sword-MORELY and DELANNE fight-fall to ground-fight on ground-separate panting]
DELANNE. Enough enough! I call a draw.
MORELY. I must agree with you.
[Both stand-brush selves off]
MORELY. Well that was bracing.
DELANNE. Very. Let's return inside for a bit of tea.
MORELY. Shouldn't we be chasing Drancy?
DELANNE. Oh, I forgot about him!
MORELY. Let's just leave him. After all, no harm done.
DELANNE. Perfect.
MORELY. Agreed. Now about that tea you mentioned'¦
[Both start to exit]
KELRING. But-But I-Wait!
[DELANNE and MORELY pause-Turn to KELRING]
DELANNE. Yes? What is it?
KELRING. May I please speak to the king now?
MORELY. I suppose that would be acceptable.
DELANNE. Yes, come with us.
[All walk through palace gate]
[Lights fade]
SCENE 11 Throne Room
[THE KING sits on his throne-KELRING MORELY and DELANNE enter]
DELANNE. We have returned your majesty.
KING. Good. Has all been well?
MORELY. The kingdom is in good condition.
[As they speak TOLNEY runs in]
TOLNEY. Your majesty! Send out the guards! Have all the villagers search the village! The queen is missing!
[ALL but TOLNEY look at each other confused]
KING. There is no queen. [Stands to reveal a flowing gown-voice becomes sultry] Well, except for me.
TOLNEY. Um. Yes, well I. I must be going now, your majesty. [Exits hastily]
MORELY. What's wrong with him?
DELANNE. Who knows. Now, I believe you sir [Looks at KELRING] wished to speak to the king?
KELRING. Yes. Your majesty I-I- [Stops]
KING. Yes?
KELRING. I've forgotten!
KING. Oh, well if you remember please tell me.
KELRING. I shall. [Starts to exit]
[As KELRING exits DRANCY enters-Walks to throne-Whispers to KING-KING jumps up and runs off-DRANCY puts on crown, robe, and sits in throne]
SQUIRE. You've forgotten? How could you forget?
KELRING. Well, all the excitement before, it just slipped my mind.
FRIAR MINSTREL. This is too tragic for even I to write a ballad of.
KELRING. Good.
SQUIRE. Look, you've said your reason a hundred times. I'm going to become-
KELRING. [Claps-puts hands on waist] a knight! [Stops] Your majesty! [Starts to turn] I have remem- [Sees DRANCY-Falls to ground-raises fists] Nooooo!
DRANCY. Yes!

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