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Sweet Dreams/Bitter Realities
One more time I felt your touch
The way your skin was so soft next to mine
The way we loved each other just a bit too much
The way we seemed to be able to stop time
In each other's arms again, where we belong,
In that place, where I last felt strong
I kissed your lips and felt your heart heal me
You said "I love you, loved you all along"
You promised me you'd never leave
And all this joy made it hard to breathe
And with that sudden intake of breath, I found myself alone
I looked around my empty room today...
And realized, to my dismay
I had dreamt you once again
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| Wow, that was filled with alot of emotion. I was very moved by it. |
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Aaaaw....this sonnet challenge seems to have brought out the romantic in everyone.
You said "I love you, loved you all along" - enjoyed the lulling repetition, here.
And all this joy made it hard to breathe - felt a little awkward for the sake of the rhyme, though I haven't a clue how I'd finish the couplet otherwise.
Thanks for the read - enjoyed it.
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I really enjoyed the sentiment behind this one, Harry. And I especially liked the repetition of the first stanza - those last 2 lines of that stanza are wonderful.
I don't know if you've really had such a dream, but I know I have - and it feels very real at the time. You've captured this beautifully.
By the way, does this count as a sonnet? I know it's 14 lines, but - this is a genuine question - is the structure correct for a sonnet? (Asks the woman who forgot to write a 3rd 4-line stanza for hers.) |
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Comment by: alien - 2007-09-12 12:43
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It's a sweet, melancholy poem. Sometimes the rhythms fall down in places and it becomes a little jittery, but on the whole, very sweet sentiments. I kinda like poems about such dreams, but alas, as finolala said, they are abundant and really need to have something special and extra to stand out.
There's still plenty to enjoy about this poem, though. :)
Thanks for entering the 1st poem competition! :D |
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Comment by: mafsa - 2007-09-12 03:38
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I like this very much. Although I feel that the title is not proportionate with the lines. Nevertheless, pretty poem. Thanks for sharing, Harry.
Mary:p |
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