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Amanda in the Spring
I closed my eyes and saw her there
Spilling hair, she had a twinkle in her eye
That I knew it from before
She was just as beautiful in advanced décor
With stretched out hands
Her palms in age had softened, still
A pleasure to the touch
Inside them clutched a daffodil
Such a marvel how things come in pairs
And touch each other gracefully
Celebrating the elegance that difference shares
With what's new and old;
Soft, let truth be told
Although has her youth and color faded
And withered in the sands
The flowers of earth in all are jaded
And are inferior in her hands
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Comment by: Dante - 2007-07-19 15:09
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| This piece painted a pleasant picture in my mind. It was a very nice read. Thanks. |
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| Very good piece. I cna't say I have a favorite part of it. The beauty was constant through out the work. Excellent. |
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Comment by: - 2007-06-26 11:47
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Very nice atmosphere. Just a few trifles, but I thought you might be interested. 'That I knew it from before... 'And I knew it from before.'
'Such a marvel how things come in pairs.' Maybe 'Such a marvel how things come paired' leaves out a word but tightens the pace. And 'shares' could become 'shared.'
And, 'Although has her youth and color faded...' Remove 'has'. Just a few thoughts. Very nice piece. |
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| Thanks for the feedback. I've had no formal training, but I will look up an Anacreon. |
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I too admire the formal training...of which I have none. I took an intro to poetry class at the local community college last quarter, but the sonnet was the only "form" we were given to explore. The rest were just assignments of topic.
I like the image of the daffodil in the middle of the poem, but my favorite lines are the last two...it's a great finale |
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