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Dirty habit
I'm on a globe spinning south
with a mouth open wide.
To warm the bones of freezing antipathy.
It's a pretty smile, rest assured.
Poetry to the end of all we never knew.
we never really knew at all.
Kisses kiss the stale blue eyes,
thats me.
In a state of comatose life.
In a state of proper respect.
I remember that in your eyes,
was the shine that I've always tried to recreate.
Those babies sing lives that never lived...
Love.
Let out a scream.
Dust off your knees.
Make those fuckers,
believers...
In something new being done before.
Those very lips of weeping willow blues.
My tongue sits frigid in time,
dissolved.
Predicted implosion,
where nights are made wrong,
and you will see my dilemma is thin.
My habits lie under my skin.
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| Think you've really hit the mark with this one. It's rather freeform and it just carries you along for the ride. They used to have vampire bats at the Tucson Desert Musuem, do they still? It's been 30 years for me. Anyway, don't stop writing! :-) |
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Comment by: Apollo - 2007-11-11 17:53
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"Kisses kiss the stale blue eyes,
thats me.
In a state of comatose life.
In a state of proper respect."
amazing... I love this poem... |
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Comment by: alien - 2007-09-15 02:34
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This is really great. I think that you've captured the anguish felt ehre very well. Your language not only conveys feeling but also delivers a great rhythm making it full of momentum and weight for the reader. This would be well read out loud (and was, because I did and it sounded GREAT! :D)
The last 3 lines are intense, clever and powerful.
I enjoyed this piece rather a lot, Jen. Nice work. |
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Comment by: esknapp - 2007-07-19 10:41
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Nice work here, Jen. My only question is about the overall language. If I understand this, (and I've read it about eight times to try to make sure that I do), the back-story holds a lot of hurt and anger and dissapointment, and you may be just a little too coy in describing the narrator's current state. It so beautifully abstract and poetic and contained - I see that is part of the subtext,but maybe open up just a few more cracks in the skin - let it out. Still, I really enjoyed it. and feel for the narrator.
Eric |
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Comment by: - 2007-07-03 16:14
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Let out a scream.
Dust off your knees.
Make those fuckers,
believers...
In something new being done before.
Those very lips of weeping willow blues.
Ahhhh.... my kind of darkness here.
Every line is powerful and well thought out in a seemingly effortless delivery
I'm a sucker for meaningful contradictions
I believe we are kindred.... keep stabbing your heart and let it bleed its last drops on paper giving fuel for chills and leaving us gasping for breath from the journey into your dark parts.... Someday, our world just may.... melt away. |
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