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What touches me about this is not the theme, (coming of age is a very common theme), but rather the use of your childhood memory to frame it in a way that is utterly unique to you and those who were there with you.
Rocks, sandfights, a girl names so and so, we've heard it all before. Still, it never fails to inspire. You clever use of language helps a bit I think. Nice work. |
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I think you aimed higher than you used to-maturity is the changing point in most everyone's lives. Then, there are those who never grow up and continue to throw stones.
Loved this poem. I used to throw dirt clots. I even built a fort of bricks to protect myself from rocks. |
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Comment by: Dante - 2008-06-07 08:52
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| Colin, thanks for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed it. After reading, a couple of times, I agree with the "passers by/ pass by" lines - way too obvious. I made a simple correction. Thanks again, D. |
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| Great opening, very simple, but effective: it sets the scene perfectly. I enjoyed reading this, very romantic retrospect, and then suddenly brought forward to an explanation of the speaker's current state. 'fearless in our perpetual forward motion' is an excellent line. Only criticism would be 'passers by / pass by'. It just seems... too obvious, you know? |
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Comment by: Mick - 2008-01-29 03:26
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‘Shooting stars of forgotten dreams
vanished into the space between breaths
my aim is not what it used to be'… has to be my favourite stanza
Great poem Dante! Reminds me of my walks home from school… well done. |
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