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YeOldeFart
Dennis Newman
United States, OR, Springfield

Words: 165
Access: Public
Comments: 21

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A Shadowy Crossing (175 word challenge)

The old man, his presence obscured in the shadowy doorway, leaned against the jamb intently watching two young girls across the street. The girls, wearing identical white blouses, short pleated skirts and knee-high stockings, giggled and shoved each other playfully as they waited for the stop light to change. A breeze lifted the hems of their skirts while the old man stared.

The traffic light turned green. The girls picked up their books, looked both ways, and started across the street. The old man straightened up and stood away from the jamb while staying in the shadows.

The girls reached the other side, stepped up on the curb, and paused to adjust the weight of their books. The old man looked around for a moment, reached into his coat pocket, pulled out two candy bars, then stepped out of the shadows and approached the girls with a smile on his face.

The girls saw him emerge from the shadows. 'Hi Grampa,' they said in unison.

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Comments  
DavidHe Comment by: DavidHe Online- 2008-01-09 05:59
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Good write with good character creation with a good end!
Casper Comment by: Casper - 2007-11-17 17:41
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Haha, now that is ironic humor in our modern day society where we prejudge old creepy men that stalk in shadows with candy bars in their pockets and watching two obviously young girls as the breeze lifts their skirts....

You are excelent...I have nothing that I think you could be of assistance with in this piece...
DavidHe Comment by: DavidHe Online- 2007-10-28 06:12
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Two candy bars would have attracted the readers, but the cries from the two girls ended it with a surprise!
Comment by: - 2007-08-26 19:02
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I love it! The title and the first three paragraphs made me think it was "shadowy" (I bet that's not what you meant for your readers to think). Nice surprise!
heidrunknikander Comment by: heidrunknikander - 2007-08-12 10:01
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Great! This old man sounds so suspicious and then he is just the grandfather.
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