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crazy carousel
you -
the ashes in my eyes
the flat stone on my tongue
the shroud that binds me
the silence in my ears
the one and only thought
beginning to end
that spins - a crazy carousel
in dark and static rooms within my
mind
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actually.... kind of reminds me on sonia sanchez. so if you like her, congrats! but i love her to death. if you don't like her, i'm sorry and then my comment seems mean.
wonderfully done though, really, i mean it. for the first time, i really enjoy the unity of "the". |
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| nicely done. There's just enough thrill added to the oppression to show the right amount of confusion over a feeling like the person you are describing. 3rd line's my fave part. Great choice of description. |
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| there's a great sense of oppression here- the blinding ashes, the weiht of the stone, the restrcition in the shroud- all very cleverly painted with an economic use of words. 'crazy' however seems a bit of a light-hearted adjective to use to describe this. I would want something slightly more heavy and foreboding. |
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| Okay, I love this poem... but I am lost as to the meaning of "the flat stone on my tongue" I can guess, but then I would be filling my mind with the wrong imagery... to me, a flat stone on the tongue signifies death... so please send me a tell and let me know what that means :) |
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I have a vision of the subject sitting in a chair bound and gaged with his mind running wild and not being able to do a thing. Images in the mind make us want to read the work, you have done this. I'll be back.
bloo |
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