The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world. Learn how other writers are doing it. |
|
 |
 |
 |
| |
Together
Like a summers day
Things and people we love are swept away
Though we are apart
I hold you in my heart
In a sweet memory
We will always be
Together you and me
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
| I'm 100% sure that I'm reading too far into this, but, as you may have noticed, the last three lines rhyme, where before, only two lines at a time rhymed. Is this supposed to represent the memory going on longer than most things that happen, or am I just a ninny? |
|
|
| Like the others have pointed out, the second line doesn't flow like the rest of your poem... but it gives your work character, and there's a little more meaning behind that line. |
|
|
| This is a piece filled with innocence. The second line does not fit the flow of the rest of the poem and becomes awkward for the reader. I do find it hard to come up with something to meet the flow. Maybe..."loved ones are swept away". I like the message of the poem and the flow, except for the one line. |
|
|
| I love how the rhyming doesn't seem forced. It's very natural and the poem's message itself is sweet. Great job! |
| 1 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
| | Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com |
|
|
|
|
| |
Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S | | |
