My name is Jack Morrison. I am a warlock on most days. Yet tonight, I must play the noble role of pizza delivery guy.

My demonic servant Rashnu waited in the car as I approached the front porch. In the porch lamplight, I could make out two people resting on the porch swing. A sandy-haired skater boy in his late teens laid back as a pale dark haired, thirty-something woman in an evening dress sat curled at his side. She playfully stroked his chest and kissed his neck, causing him to involuntarily giggle as her pink tongue tickled his flesh.

'Ah, the pizza guy's here.'� He said, a twinge of disappointment in his voice.

'Yeah, sorry to interrupt, but did someone order a garlic and pepperoni thin crust pizza?'�
'Yes.'� Said the woman, her voice smooth and melodic. She stood and turned to me. Immediately, I was taken aback by her bright crimson eyes, luminescent pink in the lamplight. Her body was athletic, curved in all the right places, her evening dress revealing her perfect naked shoulders.

She is the epitome of beauty, and the epitome of seduction.
She's the epitome of something that's for sure

'Its 14.50 ma'am.'� I utter plainly

'I need to get my purse. Ill be right back.'� The tips of her teeth were just visible as she spoke.

She moved into the dark recesses of the doorway, swaying her hips with each powerful, sensual step she took, finally disappearing up the stair revealing her perfectly chiseled calves.

'Nice right?'�

Skater boy's voice jerked me out of ogling mode and pulled me back to reality.

'Excuse me?'�

'She's hot, right?'� He whisperrf to me. 'Total grade A MILF?'�

It took me a while to discern what he was asking.

'Oh right! Except'� does she have kids?'�

His face twisted in confusion. 'Why does that matter?'�

'Because the title 'Mother I'd Like to Fuck' assumes that the woman in question has kids which, judging from that body, she obviously has none.'�

He scoffed lightly. 'Whatever man.'�

There was an awkward silence. What's taking her so long with that purse? I debated whether or not to tell him what I suspect, then ultimately decide that the decent thing to do was give him a fair warning.

'I think I should tell you she's a vampire.'�

His head jerked to face me, his forehead furrowing in puzzlement. 'What?'�
'She's a vampire, as in an immortal creature of darkness who stalks the night preying on blood of mortals for life and pleasure. Your MILF friend is one of them.'�

There was a moment of awkward silence as he stared back at me, followed by a snicker escaping his throat, evolving into a full on laugh. 'Is this some kind of hidden camera show or something?'�

'No joke.'� I said, as sternly as I could make my voice. 'She's a vampire my friend. Most likely she's invited you here to drink your blood. Maybe she'll kill you, maybe she'll turn you, or perhaps she just wants a one-night stand. You can never tell with blood drinkers. Sometimes they're out for blood, sometimes it's to sate their unending carnal desires.'�

He threw his head back, laughter spewing from his throat. 'You're serious, aren't you? You really think she's a vampire?'�
'I don't think anything. I know so.'�
'And what do you base this on? How do you know?'�
'I'm a warlock. It's my job to know. I've seen dozens of em in my lifetime. For one thing, her eyes have a strange color.'�
'Yeah, she uses special contacts.'�
'And her skin is paler than most.'�
'She grew up in Romania. Everyone there is really pale.'�
'And her incisors are pointed. Haven't you noticed when you kiss her?'�
'Everyone's incisors are pointed jackass.'�
'Have you ever found yourself kissing her and almost cutting yourself on her teeth.'�

No quick comeback this time. He was seriously thinking about it, albeit for a short moment.
'Whatever man.'� He glibly responded, pushing the thoughts of her mortality out of his head. 'You're just trying to scare me.'�

My shoulders shrugged. 'Whatever I'm just trying to give you a fair warning bro.'�

Miss MILF came walking out with her black leather purse in one hand, a twenty in the other. 'You can keep the change.'� She told me with a sultry smile.
'Thank you ma'am.'� I told her with a smile, handing her the pizza.
'Hey babe?'� Said skater boy with an obnoxious tattletale tone in his voice. 'The pizza guy says he's a warlock and he thinks you're a vampire.'�

She feigned an amused look upon her face for Skater boy's benefit. 'Really? And why would he think that?'�

As she turned to me, she shot a very different look. Her eyes were cold, her upper lip lifting into a hostile snarl, revealing her top fangs.

'Just playing around ma'am.'�
Her snarl faded, replaced by a benevolent smile. 'Of course you were. Have a nice night.'�

-------

Back at the car, Rashnu started the engine of my 95 dodge as I buckled my seatbelt.

'What took so long?'� He asked as he shifted the car into reverse.

My eyes were fixed on the porch, where Miss MILF was playfully kissing Skater boy's neck. Her glowing violet eyes peered back at me as she entraps her loving prey in the grip of her arms and legs.

'Nothing.'� I said to rash. 'Its just that he's about to become food for a vampire.'�

He pulled into the street and threw the car into drive.

'Shouldn't you try to help the guy?'�
Skater boy threw his head back in pleasure as Miss MILF reached around under his shirt.

'Hell no. That chicks a vampire. She could kick my ass.'�
'Well, I could take her no problem boss.'�

'Nah.'� I reply. 'I tried warning him, and I can't just magically not make him

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