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City Night
City night, city life
In the dark
shouts are heard
Lights, and laughter
and clink of glass
Cigarette smoke
rising to the stars
Warm breeze, hot nights
Savory smells
from the taco stand
Beer and whiskey
Tequila and limes
and music, sweet music
Jazz and blues and rock
Singing through the streets
One bar, two bars
then the next
More lights, more laughter
Shot for shot
The night is long
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Comment by: Valerie - 2007-08-16 18:38
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| This describes perfectly, Chicago! Bucko is right on when he suggests to show, and not just tell. Instead of saying "shouts are heard" use an action verb to replace "are heard." Spice it up, and this is a winner! The cadence is wonderful, and I love it! |
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Comment by: Bucho - 2007-07-15 10:10
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| "shot for shot, the night is long" is definitely the stand out line here. i like the overall descriptions, but you should try to add more descriptive elements to it (i.e, instead of saying 'good smells from the taco stand', you should try to as accurately and as precisely as possible describe the smell instead of just stating it's there) |
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Comment by: philly - 2007-07-14 09:30
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| last two lines r wat makes it |
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| I enjoyed how descriptive this poem is. The poem is also a more romantic in tone and without the vulgarness I've found in other poems I've read describing the modern urban bar scene, which is a welcome change in my opinion. Good work. |
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