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A Spider ©
I have a spider in my room,
I watch it all the time.
It is busy spinning webs,
so strong and looks just fine.
The insects they don't know it,
but the web is just a trap.
The spider sits there waiting
for that unsuspecting sap.
The insects they fly into it
and they get tangled up.
There's no way to escape it,
as they really do get stuck.
The spider spins web round it
and wraps it really tight.
It makes sure they will not escape,
as it's dinner for that night.
My mother comes into the room
and dusts the web away.
The spider just starts over
and spins another web that day.
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Comment by: baduizt - 2007-07-31 11:09
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Hi Anne,
I very much like the energy and rhythm of this poem. The struggling spider, working day and night, is, as others have said, a very hopeful image. This makes the poem stronger. Also, it's about something mundane, but yet you manage to lift it beyond the everyday.
Marvellous ;-)
Adam
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I like the ultimate message of persistence and hope. I also like how you used a spider to convey that message. Spiders are, of course, symbols for evil in this society (with good reason, I suppose), so I'm glad you gave these amazing creatures a chance.
Great rhyme and cadence. Great poem overall. |
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Comment by: Anne - 2007-07-15 23:11
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Thank yu for your nice comments . Thanks brighteyes I have changed the last stanza
Anne |
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If you edit a little about the "dinner" or possibly even with it, this could be a good little poem for children. It's adorable, and there's nothing wrong with that. One tiny edit: "My mother she came in the room
and dusts the web away." Tenses don't match here. Either "my mother comes into" or "dusted the web away" Nice read. |
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its a good poem of imagery and thought. i thought it had an excellent flow of words and the rhyme scheme is good. nicely written. i enjoyed this one.
Chris. |
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