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When the World Was Young
I remember the old days
when fun was free
and time was measured not by days
but by adventures had
and boredom conquered
I remember the parties,
the laughs, the bottles
the tricks and jokes
and fiascos
I remember the carelessness
the immaturity, the irresponsibility
the defiance of all
that was not us
I remember the good times
and forgotten the bad
the ones that don't matter
I see why the old folks
shake their fingers at the young
Us, who don't know
the price of fun
I remember lazy days and crazy nights
Midnight romps through the town
Raging escapades with
no purpose, only an idea, a spark
But most of all
I remember the faces, the smiles
The friends
who enjoyed stupidity as much as I
My brothers, my sisters
The ones who knew
that fun is free
I remember it all
The crazy days and lazy nights
The reckless life,
the random trips,
and a time of innocence
when the world was young
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Comment by: Valerie - 2007-08-16 18:54
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| This is truely a wonderful poem, and flowed like silk. The only suggestion I have is to eliminate most of the repetition. There are 23 "the"s, and 7 "I remember"s. You can find word substitutions for "remember," then use "remember" once in the beginning and again at the end. I know how hard it is to let go of words you've savored, but it the long run, it's worth it. |
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| Remember the body shots? Shhiieeett! |
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Comment by: rjaye21 - 2007-07-19 04:48
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Hi, it's a piece full of that Indian summer of later youth which seemed so endless, and now we reminisce about.
I like your composition not having rhyming words and the ends of lines, that's soo annoying.
Most importantly the piece made me think of my own experiences, some I'd rather forget! & there lies its power, the ability to conjure up memories within the mind of the reader & thoughts that are sympathetic to your purpose & inspiration to write.
Essentially, I get it!
Thanks |
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