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everything
I sit there, quiet
Inspecting the world around me
Seeing all that there is to offer
Everything you are willing to give to me
All the love
All the life
Everything
I have seen your flaws
You have felt mine
But in your arms
I feel that I am at "home"
All your love
Togerther our life
Everything
The next step
One I feel I must take
The inspection is complete
Here, today I give you all that I have left
All my love
The rest of my life
Eveything
( a work in progress. Open to any suggestions.)
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Comment by: Basil - 2007-09-21 14:21
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Totally agree with Bradley.
Would make a nice song,...
You are very in touch with your heart Daniel,..love to see this,.. |
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| I could imagine this fit to soft, dark music. Very powerful, to me. Its length is good, it flows pretty well, I think it's great as is :] |
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| I enjoyed this work as it stands, as well. This, from a skeptic of everlasting love lol. This is a lovely work and evokes all the emotions that love brings out in us. Nice read. |
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| I like the work as it stands, except I believe in line 20 you're missing an "of" between "rest" and "my." Perhaps also connecting lines 12-14 in a more seamless way would assist in the flow of the poem. It is a good read, though. |
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