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July
I fell swiftly
streaking through the sky
hurtling into
the bowl of you where
i am immersed,
comforting bed off moss -
that's you.
soft curls of your head,
bristling slow -
curls of hair on the arms
wrap't 'round me.
heavy smell of home -
laden with future -
sprinkling loosely in every
tunnel between upraised
bumps of flesh.
a star, fast,
in love with you.
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Comment by: Juanita - 2007-11-04 07:55
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| Very sensual and beautiful poem. I enjoyed it. |
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| Very good. Very romantic, I can feel the happiness and confort of being in the lovers arms. |
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| Makes me feel tingly. |
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| I like wrap't better- just original and fitting somehow. Could feel your heart thudding with the weight of feelings you have for this person- well done. |
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I love the use of metaphors and similes, really works well. This has a lovely, gentle voice to it, reminds me of ee cummings. Only change I would make
a star,
fast,
in love with you
I like separating star and fast, gives that final note a real "oomph!"
Great job. |
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