 |
 |
 |
| |
Surprise?
you waited
waited and
waited
for what?
for why?
and there you are
in my ear
missing me
but it's never me you miss
your conquest
ego inflation
maintaining that manhood
you could never uphold
by yourself
you couldn't miss anything more
than the superficial
lips, voice
you never knew me
or could
you want me to break for you
i just want to break
from you
but my arms are never long enough
to keep you far enough to resist.
upholding the bitch status
just the way you like
trying to defend myself
playing right into your plan
an uncomfortable status
where i never win
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
| I read some of your stuff, and I think you should write longer poems more often. Sometimes fewer words is stronger, but I feel like you have more to say and you are holding back in some of them. This a bit longer than the others, and I don't think it suffers for being longer. |
 |
Comment by: nlinde - 2007-07-26 06:18
|
|
This poem needs to be screamed in one breath. I appreciate that you shorten the lines, which usually rushes and ruins poems, but made it work for you.
nl |
|
|
The conflict comes through beautifully. Like an addiction you know you need to stop; just can't. I understand the repetition of the "waited" at the beginning; I think it was just one too many IMO. My favorite lines: "you never knew me
or could
you want me to break for you
i just want to break
from you" Nice read, thank you. |
|
|
Upholding the bitch status.
Maintaining that manhood you could never uphold.
And
you want me to break for you
i just want to break
from you
I freaking love it. You can feel the conflict of this soul that is tormented by love.
Is this personal experience? Either way, great read. |
| 1 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
